Monday, February 16, 2009

improving your vocabulary

[Long past midnight. Schmutzie and The Palinode are in bed but they're not sleeping. Maybe they're drunk.]

Schmutzie: Today was such a lousy day. I seriously wanted to stab myself with a fork.

Palinode: You want to stab yourself with a fork, you just let me know in advance.

Schmutzie: I'll be like, I'M IN THE KITCHEN AND I'M ABOUT TO STAB MYSELF WITH THIS FORK.

Palinode: And I'll be all, DON'T DO IT, I'M COMING TO YOU WITH ALACRITY.

Schmutzie: And then I'll say, IT'S OKAY I'M NOT GOING TO STAB MYSELF NOW BECAUSE I'M IN THE OTHER ROOM LOOKING UP ALACRITY ON DICTIONARY.COM.

Palinode: Between me and the internet, you'll never come to harm.

9 comments:

beadid said...

That's so funny. Just as I got to 'alacrity,' I made a mental note to look it up when I was done reading.

Woman in a Window said...

If that's all it takes, she's not too far undone.

Put your forks down and back away!

Chris said...

Where would a spork fit on the alacrity scale?

Bruce said...

Alacrity
–noun 1. cheerful readiness, promptness, or willingness: We accepted the invitation with alacrity.
2. liveliness; briskness.


.....you are the type of person I detest playing Scrabble with.

Ozma said...

Hey, what is love but 'stop me from stabbing myself with a fork'?

That's definitely why *I* got married. I have far acquired far fewer scars since the happy day.

teeni said...

So ignorance can keep you safe? ;) Great post.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I love you both so much it hurts.

Gypsyhick said...

holy crap, I just SNORTED from the laughter.

180|360 said...

I hope I die of alacrity one day.