Please discuss with the following points in mind:
What is the primary conflict in this piece?
a) Man vs. environment
b) Man vs. meaty Alaskan King Crab legs
c) Man vs. succulent Snow Crab Leg Buffet, all day Wednesdays
d) Man vs. Jimmy Buffet
e) Man vs. participating locations only
What's a tortoise?
a) You ever seen a turtle, Leon?
b) Same thing.
What parts of this piece can plausibly be deemed truthful?
a) Some bits
b) None bits
c) Every last goddamn syllable, right down to the butter in the bowl.