properties of availability

This one reveals a narrative weakness because it requires backstory. But I trust you'll forgive me this one time, since my weblog is usually so strong on narrative coherence. Oh yes it is. Don't look at me like that.

EARLIER:

Schmutzie: You know, I feel like more coffee.

Palinode: A fine idea.

Schmutzie: I think I'll make some, if it's available.

Palinode: I look forward to a nice cup of available coffee.

SOMEWHAT LATER:

Palinode: I cleaned the kitchen.

Schmutzie: That's awesome. [It certainly is.]

Palinode: So now there is no obstacle to the making of available coffee.

Schmutzie: As soon as I finish putting photographs of flowers on Flickr, I'll go make available coffee.

MUCH LATER:

Schmutzie: It turns out we only have unavailable coffee.

Palinode: Ah, that's a shame.

Schmutzie: It's crunchier than the available stuff.

Palinode: Therefore you would say that smoothness is an essential property of availability?

Schmutzie: Married women are really crunchy, for example.

Palinode: Yet they are smooth for their husbands?

Schmutzie: Absolutely.

Palinode: This is sounding like a really stupid Socratic dialogue.

Schmutzie: HA! [Someday I will tell you about the first time I ever heard the HA! of Schmutzie. It was loud and unexpected and right in my face. We were just a couple of young punks at the time.]

Palinode: First he'd ask a slave about smooth rich availability. ['Richness' is an attendant property of 'smoothness,' so availability is necessarily rich as well as smooth.]

Schmutzie: I think he talked to slaves just because he knew he'd be smarter than them.

Palinode: And then he'd turn to his friend and say, "So, Herakleon, you see that a slave understands how smooth availability is, so you must accept it as well". And Herakleon would say "I sure do, Socrates!"

Schmutzie: Nobody ever argued with Socrates.

Palinode: And then he'd blow their minds by singing "November Rain".