Tuesday, February 03, 2009

time for the 25 random things meme

What can bring my weblog out of hibernation? A bombardment of Facebook notifications that people want to know 25 random things about me. Sometimes I wonder if there are twenty-five things about me that warrant public consumption, but then I remember that each one of us is a delicate snowflake. So here you go.

  1. The biggest and oldest turtle I have ever met was named Cesar. He lived at the Heidelberg Zoo. His shell bore scars from a WWII phosphorus bomb.
  2. I have been in a helicopter twice. The first time I flew over a volcano in the Philippines. The second time I flew over a mountain in Austria.
  3. Whenever I go to Vancouver, people think I am an actor. Some of them have insisted that they’ve seen me on television. I have no idea who they think I am.
  4. I was thirty-three when I first visited the States. For a Canadian, this is unusual – most Canadians end up in line at Disneyworld or staring at Mount Rushmore before the age of ten.
  5. When I visited Mount Rushmore, I became so absorbed in photographing people posing for pictures that I forgot to photograph Rushmore itself.
  6. I smiled and nodded in Texas while an old woman told me that 'coloured' people had it really good when they were slaves. Up until that moment I didn't realize that people actually believed those kinds of things or said them out loud.
  7. Speaking of Texas, eat at Benno’s on Seawall Boulevard & 13th when you’re next in Galveston. I overdid it on their jambalaya, but it was worth it. And despite the warning from the old woman in Texas that the 'coloured' people in Galveston would steal my stuff, they did not. In fact, they gave me a magic gem that allowed me to fly, in return for which I promised to come back and protect their kingdom one day in the future, 'when our peaceful lives are threatened once again by the forces of Evil'.
  8. I went to the movies twice when I was in Australia. I watched Supersize Me in Sydney and Before Sunset in Melbourne.
  9. Holiday Isle, the Florida Keys resort where the Kokomo Tiki Bar is located, was the saddest resort I’d ever seen. I felt bad for the Jimmy Buffett cover band.
  10. The Dead Milkmen’s declaration that they believed in swordfish made me believe in The Dead Milkmen.
  11. I do not know what sorbitol is, but if I had to guess, I’d say it was another name for citric acid. Update: it is not citric acid. Also, I lost my virginity in a dorm room in a girl’s residence. That is all.
  12. I can’t remember the last time I got in a physical fight with someone. I think I was in grade school. I hit someone. I can’t remember who he was, but I remember that he was ugly, and that the act of hitting him made me so incredibly angry that I burst into tears. That did not do much for my reputation.
  13. When I need to sleep, I try to list off Buffy episodes in my head in order. I can get up to the seventh season, but once I hit that last season I start to forget, because seriously, who cares about season seven.
  14. I crack jokes because whenever I have nothing constructive to say. Those who know me, know that I am constantly cracking jokes.
  15. As a late Christmas gift, my married-to-me person gave me a red Swingline stapler. It is brighter and more beautiful than anything else in my office, with the possible exception of the phone book. But can a phone book staple papers together? Advantage: stapler.
  16. People used to ask me why I generally dated women who were taller than me. I told them it was a matter of sheer statistical likelihood.
  17. I can feel my foot in my shoe. For most people this would be no big deal, but for me it’s a small victory. After my back surgery in November of 2007, nerve compression and whatever else left with a numb foot and a lower leg that I could barely feel. It’s taken over a year to get enough feeling back to claim that what I’m feeling is indeed feeling, and not just random nerve impulses that alternately mimic hot pins, hot iron bars and hot flames.
  18. Last night I kept waking up in a claustrophobic panic. I don’t know why. Also, I had a spontaneous nosebleed in my sleep. Am I going to die? Yes, of course I am.
  19. I’m going to phone my wife and see what’s up. Hold on.
  20. Here’s what’s up: she’s writing a quick entry; sent out a broadcast message for her Grace in Small Things group; lots of stuff, but not much with that stuff yet (that’s verbatim; I don’t know what she means); and an Intrepid Tuesday update on Five Star Friday.
  21. I have a new old job. I’ve gone from a Communications Consultant to Policy Analyst. This means that I can no longer tell people that I’m a speechwriter (even though I’ve written a speech and drafed a media release since the change), which sounds pretty damn cool. The funny thing is that my work as a policy analyst is ten times more interesting and varied.
  22. I read PostSecret and smirk at people and their secrets. Then I feel bad for smirking.
  23. If I were to write erotic vampire fiction under a pen name, I would first have to read erotic vampire fiction to get a sense of the genre. This is why I will never write erotic vampire fiction.
  24. "Sylvain," she breathed, "your teeth are conspicuous!" The moon was full. "Let’s get sexy with the blood and the sex and the crazy confusion between pain and pleasure, then," said Sylvain. "Swoon!" she moaned. Then a werewolf showed up and they all got freaky. By Agglethorpe Hardington.
  25. I used to burn things with a magnifying glass so much as a kid that I damaged my eyes. Now I am partly colour-blind.

16 comments:

blackbird said...

Cool.

(Listen: I'm gonna have to break rank here and pretend I'm not as insightful as I usually am and admit that the whole sandwich/Coulton thing is beyond me. How's about a little off-piste email to explain? No need to spread it around, though.)

Black Hockey Jesus said...

I read this against the background of knowing you'd be in my home Saturday, and I had a bunch of confused feelings about this. These confused feelings are sometimes indicative of love.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I believe in The Dead Milkmen for the exact same reason.

Chris said...

And by "burn things" you mean sow bugs and of course the reason you are now reaping what you sowed is because God is a sow bug.

Through My Lens said...

Oh my. Great list. You know I had to read it since my huz was laughing hysterically over it this morning. He says you both have the same humor. Which is to say twisted.

;)

Abigail Road said...

You made me do the nose snort so loud I scared the dog.

i am the diva said...

this may be the most entertaining 25 things list i have ever read.

and also, i love the term "Married-to-me person"

Bruce said...

I now feel like I REALLY know you....which isn't necessarily a good thing.

ozma said...

You know...I'll bet you could do erotic vampire fiction very well without reading it.

You'd probably write the best erotic vampire fiction there is.

I can't promise that vampire fiction readers would enjoy it.

Mm. The most obnoxious question of all is why aren't you writing more...doing the writerly writing. whatever that is?

alyce said...

I believe in Joanie loves Crotchie.

maarmie said...

"Oh, Balthazar. Please, go away!" she moaned as he drew closer and closer. She knew what was coming,but the fear mixed with an odd pleasure.

Soon, he was upon her and took her in his arms. Before they became one, she kissed him tenderly on the cheek. A lone tear slid down her cheek, sadness for the life she was leaving behind.

Balthazar's fangs entered her slowly. He savored every second of the penetration, and her body shook in painful anticipation. Soon, she would become one of his kind, and she would come to know ecstasy far beyond that of mere mortals.

HOW WAS THAT? DO I HAVE A SHOT AT THE GENRE????

maarmie said...

"Oh, Balthazar. Please, go away!" she moaned as he drew closer and closer. She knew what was coming,but the fear mixed with an odd pleasure.

Soon, he was upon her and took her in his arms. Before they became one, she kissed him tenderly on the cheek. A lone tear slid down her cheek, sadness for the life she was leaving behind.

Balthazar's fangs entered her slowly. He savored every second of the penetration, and her body shook in painful anticipation. Soon, she would become one of his kind, and she would come to know ecstasy far beyond that of mere mortals.

HOW WAS THAT? DO I HAVE A SHOT AT THE GENRE????

roo said...

Hmm.
Does the magnifying lenes incident
have anything to do with
your preternatural talent
for squinting?

Ozma said...

I didn't remember commenting and then I was going to comment again and then I saw that I already did.

And now I'm upset that you go over to Black Hockey Jesus's house but you don't come over to my house. What's he got that I haven't got?

palinode said...

ozma - Blackhockeyjesus has brunch. Do you have brunch? I thought not.

The Holmes said...

When I read # 6, I thought maybe you had met my grandmother, but then I remembered that she would never use a word as nice as "colored."