Monday, January 12, 2009

#21 Bad Idea: Your Dream Stalk of Broccoli

Ladies and gentlemen. We are pleased to announce that from the strontium mists and cobalt lakes of the Central Silica Plain, we have recovered another piece of text from the pre-Error era. It is becoming increasingly clear that these dialogues, while they may not be explicitly religious in nature, are perhaps liturgical and definitely homiletic. It is likely that these texts served as guides to ideal behaviour. They were likely taught to ‘children,’ as prepubescent humans of the time were generally called.

In other news, Drs. Horvath and Kinchy have been spotted wandering the wastes and creeping through the sedge, their minds irreparably scrambled by radiation. We will be leaving food for them just outside the northwest entrance to the Dome. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated.

*

[Is it evening already? Like the remains of chopped vegetables, the day slowly wilts. Schmutzie at the couch, Palinode (alert for earthquakes) standing in the doorway.]

Palinode: I’ve brought you your choice of stalks.

Schmutzie: What?

Palinode: [holds up five broccoli stalks] I have five stalks of broccoli in my hand. Which is your dream stalk?

Schmutzie: The middle one, of course.

Palinode: [shuffles stalks, holds one up] Then this one will be your dream stalk of broccoli. This one and no other.

Schmutzie: What are you planning to do with it?

Palinode: I’m throwing them out. But I thought I’d make the process special. [goes into kitchen]

Schmutzie: The stalks are high in calcium, you know.

Palinode: And now the garbage is high in calcium.

9 comments:

i am the diva said...

will the garbage calcium make the seagulls' bones stronger?

Chris said...

The absolute best place for broccoli.

Not Fainthearted said...

"...perhaps liturgical and definitely homiletic..."

*snort*

Helvetica said...

Don't let the bastards get the broccoli.

Anonymous said...

Is it the truth that you are discarding those 5 stalks, only because they were stalks... mere broccoli-indesideratum? Or is it, that you were using them as finger-elongaters to chase an avocado out of an unusual location, and now sullied by the endeavor the stalks seem less palatable. Mr. Palinode, the question is: were... those... stalks... your veritable vegetable dactyls? Your trouser tweezers? ARE THEY in truth only fit for the bin because you used them to yank a guacamole maker from your pants?

Anonymous said...

sorry, not blog related, but damn exciting stuff: Molecular levitation,

"Capasso's experiment, the team immersed a gold-coated sphere in a liquid and measured the force as the sphere was first attracted to a metallic plate, then repelled from a plate made from silica.

Capasso said levitating is next. "

Anonymous said...

You, do realize, of course, that Capasso's experiment illustrating molecular levitation may be the gateway to perpetual motion machines! This weak-nuclear force repulsion could be the key to frictionless movements. Friction that evil bastard that spurns the wheels of genius may now, perhaps, be tossed aside. Think. A molecular level perpetual motion machine -- a million of them in a pocket-watch. Even any minute losses could be rebounded by the momentum of pocket movement: a shaking recharge. These nano-batteries could be the key to endless or even infinite power.

Schmutzie said...

Your are being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/01/five-star-friday-edition-38.html

C.J. Koster said...

Little kids in Ethiopia could have eaten those stalks.