Tuesday, December 25, 2007

a christmas eve conversation

[Christmas Eve. Christmas lights twinkling. Some snow outside. Schmutzie and Palinode are basking in the glow of the holidays. Palinode turns to Schmutzie.]

Palinode: How's the scar on my back looking? [because I had back surgery in November]

Schmutzie: Let's see... it's shaped like a square. Why is that?

Palinode: My surgery scar is square?

Schmutzie: No, that's a vertical stripe. I'm talking about your other scar.

Palinode: I have another scar? Where?

Schmutzie: It's just up and to the left of your surgical one.

Palinode: How long have I had it?

Schmutzie: I don't know. Lots of people have scars on their lower back.

[Pause]

Palinode: I guess that's where the aliens implant their chips.

Schmutzie: Of course...

Palinode: But I'm not talking about microchips. I'm talking about potato chips.

Schmutzie: The aliens implant potato chips in our bodies?

Palinode: The chips are just for starters. They kidnap us when they get a craving. Sometimes they implant Skittles, sometimes they harvest Funyuns.

Schmutzie: I had no idea.

Palinode: They have no infrastructure to produce or store their own junk food.

Schmutzie: So you're saying that we're nothing but snack food repositories for aliens.

Palinode: Exactly.

Schmutzie: Seems a bit cumbersome, just to get a snack.

Palinode: Oh, they've got a whole system.

7 comments:

Sparkling Red said...

So when my back makes crunchy sounds in the morning, it's probably because I've just smashed their Pringles.

nathan said...

Okay, so the aliens are just a bunch of potheads with the munchies? That would explain what *really* happened to Jerry Garcia.

Rebecca said...

So those aren't love handles on my hips, but cans of Mountain Dew?

palinode said...

sparkling red - Yes, but don't let it bother you. The aliens understand that contents may have settled during transit.

nathan - The aliens confused Jerry Garcia with Cherry Garcia.

rebecca - Quite possibly. But the aliens are pretty cheap, so it's probably no-name grape soda.

lotus07 said...

Conversations like this are what sparked all those Matrix movies.

p-man said...

I think this is a Stranglers reference?

Our was "Where's the fucking tape? You have it!" "It's under your fat ass, fat ass." Like that.

palinode said...

p-man - A Stranglers reference? P-man, you are officially more interesting than me. I had no such thought in mind. Now I will have to go and listen to my old Stranglers tapes. Cassette. Tapes.