Tuesday, December 25, 2007

a christmas eve conversation

[Christmas Eve. Christmas lights twinkling. Some snow outside. Schmutzie and Palinode are basking in the glow of the holidays. Palinode turns to Schmutzie.]

Palinode: How's the scar on my back looking? [because I had back surgery in November]

Schmutzie: Let's see... it's shaped like a square. Why is that?

Palinode: My surgery scar is square?

Schmutzie: No, that's a vertical stripe. I'm talking about your other scar.

Palinode: I have another scar? Where?

Schmutzie: It's just up and to the left of your surgical one.

Palinode: How long have I had it?

Schmutzie: I don't know. Lots of people have scars on their lower back.


Palinode: I guess that's where the aliens implant their chips.

Schmutzie: Of course...

Palinode: But I'm not talking about microchips. I'm talking about potato chips.

Schmutzie: The aliens implant potato chips in our bodies?

Palinode: The chips are just for starters. They kidnap us when they get a craving. Sometimes they implant Skittles, sometimes they harvest Funyuns.

Schmutzie: I had no idea.

Palinode: They have no infrastructure to produce or store their own junk food.

Schmutzie: So you're saying that we're nothing but snack food repositories for aliens.

Palinode: Exactly.

Schmutzie: Seems a bit cumbersome, just to get a snack.

Palinode: Oh, they've got a whole system.


Sparkling Red said...

So when my back makes crunchy sounds in the morning, it's probably because I've just smashed their Pringles.

nathan said...

Okay, so the aliens are just a bunch of potheads with the munchies? That would explain what *really* happened to Jerry Garcia.

Rebecca said...

So those aren't love handles on my hips, but cans of Mountain Dew?

palinode said...

sparkling red - Yes, but don't let it bother you. The aliens understand that contents may have settled during transit.

nathan - The aliens confused Jerry Garcia with Cherry Garcia.

rebecca - Quite possibly. But the aliens are pretty cheap, so it's probably no-name grape soda.

lotus07 said...

Conversations like this are what sparked all those Matrix movies.

p-man said...

I think this is a Stranglers reference?

Our was "Where's the fucking tape? You have it!" "It's under your fat ass, fat ass." Like that.

palinode said...

p-man - A Stranglers reference? P-man, you are officially more interesting than me. I had no such thought in mind. Now I will have to go and listen to my old Stranglers tapes. Cassette. Tapes.