Wednesday, December 26, 2007

an unexpected christmas gift

Note: not heartwarming in any way.

Guten Tag. What did you get for Christmas? Consumer electronics goods? A complement to your home entertainment library? A puppy? Because I threw up. Aaaaall day I threw up, starting a couple of hours after I got out of bed and ending about 1:00 am, when pure fatigue overtook my nausea.

I really hate throwing up. When nausea threatens, I withdraw into myself and project my consciousness onto the project of not throwing up. Deep breaths, non-pukey thoughts, silence and stillness. I become a monk of the calm stomach. But Christmas broke me, made me throw aside my monastic vows and glue the tonsure back on my scalp. By the sixth or seventh trip to the bathroom I'd given up on all my fancy mind-over-vomit techniques. Instead I resigned myself to chugging water between episodes, if only to avoid burning my throat with dry heaves.

Even though I didn't have a fever, my brain started to fracture and echo around midnight. I started falling asleep in my seat and having strange dreams. The last one I remember before I fell properly and dreamlessly to sleep involved Argentina. According to my dream, Argentina had reinvented itself, to the point that the country had founded a new language and a new system of logic to support the weird recursive referents of the new language. There were no images in the dream besides alternating scissorlike flashes of light (which may have been my eyelids slipping open). There was only a voice, constantly quizzing me on the new speech of Argentina and its preposterous assertions. I struggled to get it right, but the voice kept correcting me. It was grade three all over again. Thanks a lot, Mrs. Houghton.

*

SPECIAL SOUP-MENTIONING ADDENDUM

Schmutzie made me some soup in the evening which was really good. I asked for her some clear broth and she whipped up this Asian beef bouillon with carrots and onions that made me feel twenty times better. I threw it up and all, but it was great while it lasted.

11 comments:

Betsey C. said...

Oh, you Poor, Pathetic Puking Palinode! I'm so sorry to hear that you heaved your way through Christmas, and I hope that your tum is back on track. I agree with you -- nausea is hideous. What caused it, if you know? The Schmutzie soup does sound very soothing.

Here's to a happy, HEALTHY new year to you both. I'm sure you are more than happy to put 2007 behind you!

blackbird said...

Better now?

I'd say you aren't due for a puke again until at least 2010.

(Let's be all metaphoric and assume you puked everything bad from 07 up into the world so as to start the new year fresh. Go brush your teeth.)

BipolarLawyerCook said...

Sorry to hear you had such a pukey Christmas. Hope you have recovered, rested and re-hydrated.

Rae said...

ahhhh, but clear broth is the most refreshing to throw up. second only to water.

sorry that your Christmas sucked.

palinode said...

All better now.

Truthfully, it could have been worse. Schmutzie and I celebrated Christmas early this year, so it wasn't too terrible. I was planning on making a decent supper that day, but that was the only bit of planning thrown off.

lotus07 said...

I want to move to your Argentina

palinode said...

lotus07 - Although you didn't intend your comment for use as a pick-up line, that would make for an awesome pick-up line.

Thomas said...

Can one sing the main theme from Evita in this new Argentine language? If one cannot, I feel it's not worth pursuing.

Nat said...

Clear broth with veggies is heaps better than ginger kitten soup!

Also, I linked to you on my blog. This is because you're fantastic. Let me know if you'd rather I remove it.

palinode said...

thomas - You can host all the Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals you want in the new Argentine, but be prepared for a lot of dull, dogmatic lectures on the way.

nat - But ginger kitten soup is so full of nutrients and vitamins and whatnot! Nonetheless, feel free to link to my site.

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