Mountain Dew Revolution - Every bottle contains a few grains of skin from the mummified corpse of Lenin. Nostrovya.
Mountain Dew High Output - with stool softener.
Mountain Dew Stimulus - Using state-of-the-art equipment, pornography is liquefied and distilled, then squirted lovingly into your bottle of Dew.
Mountain Dew Reverb - A network of pipes carrying the finest Mountain Dew is run through U2's studio to absorb those soulful vibes. Originally called Mountain Dew Delay and Mountain Dew Effects Pedals Can Substitute for Musicianship. And Mountain Dew Shut Up Now.
Mountain Dew Kilo-Watt - Real electric eel inside every bottle. Really high on sugar and caffeine electric eel.
Mountain Dew Rebellion - You can't tell this Dew What To Do. It's gonna smoke cigarettes, masturbate and hang out in front of the Burger King. You're not the boss of it.
Mountain Dew Extended Play - Mountain Dew soaked in a pile of discarded VCRs.
Mountain Dew Culture Blend - Go Green with Recycled Medical Waste! Petri-Powered Dew Will Gradually Knock Your Teeth Out Of Their Sockets and Shake the Blood From Your Eyes!
Mountain Dew Visionary - It's drugs.
Mountain Dew Supernova - From the dead space between stars, a sentient radio wave has embedded its instructions from the living Horsehead Nebula into the molecules of your Jug O' Dew. Take a swig and fulfill the Destiny of the Void.
Mountain Dew Discovery - Do a Dew and discover diabetes, obesity, and the sadness of Making Love - Out Of Nothing At All.