Tuesday, June 01, 2010

My official entry in the unannounced contest with ExLibris to produce the best possible blog entry on avocados

Eat them.

And now that I have demonstrated the power of the internet as an unlimited storage space for all the products of mind, I'm going to make some supper.

UPDATE:  ExLibris has posted her entry on avocados, which she calls Ideas for Avocados.  Let's break down the reasons why my two-word entry beats Carrie Anne's informative post full of recipes, beautiful photography and even storage tips.

THE TITLE.  Carrie Anne hooked my interest with the title "Ideas for Avocados," but she fails to introduce a single philosophical notion or aspect of intellectual history to any avocados in her post.  Given the natural intelligence and curiosity of the avocado, this omission is baffling.  The avocado on the right in the picture above, for example, has an excellent grasp of the notion of dualism, and the one on the left can give you a concise explanation of some of Kant's thornier ideas. The one in the middle is obviously dead.

RECIPES.  Carrie Anne provides four easy-to-prepare and quick recipes for avocados.  I have one, and here it is:
1. Possess the avocado.
2. Eat it.
I offer my recipe for comparison because it is clearly more efficient.  I have one ingredient, a preparation time of no minutes, and the washup involves licking your hands greedily when you're done.

PHOTOGRAPHY.  The recipes are accompanied by beautiful photographs of food, but do they really give you the essential information?  Observe the image above and you will be able to glean all that there is of consequence about the avocado:
1. There's some hard green stuff on the outside (use as earmuffs).
2. There's some soft green stuff on the inside (eat).
3. There's a round brown thing in the middle (huck at people).
STORAGE TIPS. You do not store avocados. You discuss Bertrand Russell with them until they're ripe and then you eat them.  If you're storing avocados then you have forgotten their purpose.

I hope this has been helpful.  In conclusion, I believe in God and the free market.  Does ExLibris?  I don't know, but she doesn't mention it in her avocado entry.  Maybe this flag will help you decide?

Flag provided by 3dflags.com


Carrie Anne said...


(I'm also known as ExLibris BTW)

blackbird said...

You could work in advertising. Except you are too nice.

Imnotbenny said...

Showing that avocado all opened up and naked like that is just indecent, sir.

Carrie Anne / Exlibris said...

It's on like Donkey Kong!


Carrie Anne said...

Damn, I had a counter-post all prepared but then I saw the flag picture and it was all "Q.E.D., bitches!"

palinode said...

Yes, I have used your American flag against you. Just as you would use our maple syrup against us in a heartbeat.

Carrie Anne said...

So basically what you're saying is that ripping into an avocado like some kind of avocado-crazed yeti is the Freemarket Way but repressing the natural urge to plunder the avocado's sweet booty straightaway is communist? Because that's what it seems like you're saying.

palinode said...

"Avocado-crazed yeti" is a redundant phrase. Those crazy furry guys can't get enough of that sweet green stuff.

And yes, making guacamole is the moral equivalent of giving Stalin a lapdance.

Carrie Anne said...

I say let the public decide the winner: http://thelittlebig.wordpress.com/2010/06/02/poll-who-won-the-avocado-blog-off/

purplequark said...

Quot Erat Demonstraum indeed!

Jo said...

Ahhhh, Canadian. This explains the irony.

See, we believe it doesn't exist Stateside. And I was going to mention that cheerfully and in a congratulatory fashion, but then I thought that would just be rude an obnoxious.

But this clears it all up.

I didn't make the link on the Brian Adams post.

I love your Avocado intruction.