Sunday, December 06, 2009

concepts of toast

[Night. Too late for food. Too late for baked potatoes. Schmutzie and Palinode, protected by darkness, are having baked potatoes.]

Schmutzie: I'm craving toasted marshmallows.

Palinode: I'm craving marshmallow toast.

Schmutzie: What is that?

Palinode: That is the exact opposite of what you're craving.

Schmutzie: But what exactly is it?

Palinode: It's toast made of marshmallows.

Schmutzie: So we want the same thing.

Palinode: Not at all.

Schmutzie: Completely at all.

Palinode: Nuh-uh. You want to take a marshmallow and toast it. I want a piece of toast that's made of marshmallow.

Schmutzie: The final product would be the same. And it would taste awesome.

Palinode: Would you put cheese and pastrami on your toasted marshmallow?

Schmutzie: Um... no.

Palinode: But I'd put cheese and pastrami on mine because it's toast.

Schmutzie: You're changing the food. You can't win the argument by talking about cheese and deli meat.

Palinode: I'm just providing an example of the uses of my marshmallow toast. I'd put pastrami on mine.

Schmutzie: No you WOULDN'T, because marshmallow toast doesn't EXIST.

Palinode: I introduced pastrami as a substantive addition to my assumed marshmallow toast. QED.

Schmutzie: I'm holding a sharp knife.


Mamalang said...

THis is the jest of most of the conversations my husband and I have.

Emma said...

You guys rock.

dk said...

Marshmallow toast could also be construed as toast with marshmallows in it much like raisin toast, which would provide that lovely sweet salty with pastrami.

palinode said...

@Mamalang - In which case, you don't even need to come live with us.

@Emma - We rock, the cats roll.

@dk - Toast with marshmallows in it? Look, I'm not saying that you've totally lost your grip on reality, but - no, that's what I'm saying. Actually, that sounds kind of good.

Lindsay said...

Hilarious. I love using nonsense logic to win arguments. If you confuse them enough victory is yours!

Jen Wilson said...

That is just too awesome.

dk said...

I know - crunchy with just a bit of sweet. Sorta like you ;)

AmyMusings said...

Don't let him get away with that shit, Schmutz. Dragging deli meat into it instead of leaving that in the past where it belongs.

palinode said...

@AmyMusings - Deli meat is a real and going concern. Any argument that doesn't use deli meat is lower in sodium but not nearly as enjoyable.