Thursday, December 11, 2008

#14 Bad Idea: I Wish I Hadn't Had This Bad Idea

Tonight, exhausted by days of rushed work and wanting to take a bath and fall asleep to the soothing words of Clive James (I'm reading Cultural Amnesia, which as far as I can tell is an 800 page explanation of why France was the best thing about the twentieth century), I couldn't come up with a bad idea. So I thought I'd consult my partner-in-stuff Schmutzie, because if anyone can rescue me from abject desperation, it's Darkseid my wife.

Palinode: I don't have a bad idea.

Schmutzie: Yes you do. You told me earlier today.

Palinode: (searching brain) What idea is this?

Schmutzie: You came up with the idea about the man with the enormous... you know...

Palinode: Oh. God, no. I can't put that on the internet.

Schmutzie: You asked for my help.

Palinode: The Hills was on. My mind was wandering!

Schmutzie: Unless you come up with something better, that's all you've got.

She's right. This is a pretty classy blog for the discerning reader, but I have to go with the debased factory of my mind. I apologize in advance for today's idea about the man with the enormous taint.

I confess that the idea is a bit underdeveloped. Was he born with it? Did he send away in high school for a little booklet on taint-improvement exercises? Is he some kind of hero after all? What if he is the saviour of the world, the apostate redeemed by the signal and source of his might, which just happens to be that crazy novelty-size taint of this? How does he walk, if he can walk at all? These are questions destined to wither on the vine, or be smashed aside by an enormous taint.

Where the hell would you get a booklet on taint enlargement? Please formulate your answer in the comments.

8 comments:

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

Probably from the same publisher that gave the world this:

http://www.lulu.com/content/4956212

palinode said...

'sir' - Clearly someone has me beat in the bad idea game.

Sparkliesunshine said...

This morning I could be thinking about what to get people for Christmas or why the ocean is too noisy, but now I am thinking of gigantic taints.

You know what? Thank you. Thank you, palinode. It is not often a lesbian is consumed with thoughts of taints.

palinode said...

sparkliesunshine - I guess there's plenty of taint to go around?

Chris said...

I should have the booklet finished shortly. I am too easily distracted by women who regard me as a compelling curiosity.

Dana said...

It would have to be a pop-up booklet. Clearly.

Mr. Saucy said...

Shouldn't that be an enormous perineum?

Anonymous said...

Where the hell would you get a booklet on taint enlargement?

France --- of course.

France is, according to the Germans, the English, the Belgae (not Belgians), the Swiss, and Quebecois of the francophone variety, known as the Taint of Europe.

(I also believe a taint is what that arrow is pointing at in the picture on the cover of that Clive James book you mentioned.)