Palinode: Hey, you know that cafeteria where the sandwiches exist in strict hierarchy?
Schmutzie: Of course.
Palinode: Today I abjured the salmon.
Schmutzie: You ‘abjured’ it, did you?
Palinode: Hot diggety dang I did. I bought the tuna instead.
Schmutzie: I won’t eat tuna. I find methods of tuna fishing ethically unacceptable.
Palinode: I can’t believe there’s such an industry for a fish that exists only as compressed flakes.
Schmutzie: Oh that’s gross.
Palinode: But this sandwich one came with a sticky note.
Schmutzie: What did it say?
Palinode: It said ‘tuna’.
Schmutzie: Did it say it once or did it repeat the word ‘tuna’ in a tinny little voice?
Palinode: Plaintively it cried ‘Tuna!’ before subsiding into a susurrant tuna-related monologue.
Schmutzie: What are you going to do with a sticky note that says ‘tuna’?
Palinode: Take it back to the office, affix it to documents, write reminders on it, that sort of thing.
Schmutzie: And let it lull you into an afternoon nap at your desk with its whispering?
Palinode: Heck no. I’m not letting my guard down for some dolorous post-it note and its fishload of troubles.
This post generated on 07/24/06 by the Palischmutz TalkBot. This conversation would have definitely taken place had Schmutzie not been on her coffee break when I called about the sandwich.
8 comments:
Oh, shush. I never use single quotes when I talk.
"Plaintively It Cried Tuna" would be a good name for a book. Or a band. Or something.
Either you know Schmutzie really really well or you have quite the imagination.
Well, I always know what I'm going to say, and if she doesn't say it right, I simply stop the talking and start with the charades until we're back on track.
i like to get tuna sandwiches when i'm out and about (or the coveted 'tuna melt'), but this supplies me with weird looks from whomever i'm with. where does all the tuna hate come from? it's tuna, from a can no doubt. it's the same stuff i eat at home, only i'm not at home. so stop looking at me like as if i told you i let my dog lick my crotch or that i have an elvis plate collection.
Oh you, guys. This is my favourite little facet of the entity known as schmutzinode. Nobloggy does it bettah. So as I may have postulated already:
schmutzinode+headigail=beersoon.
They usually carry beersoon at bar, which is where one goes when soberthirsty. So if you do the math, hopefully we see you down thar in the emerald aisles. Also hope you like plate. Plate is what cat eats off of. Cat eats food off plate, beersoon. That is all.
Wait just a darn minute...
palischmutz talkbot?
Do you mean to tell me these are ersatz chuckles I'm having?
Oh dear lord. My shiny apple has a bruise. Placebo dialogues. The sheer audacity of the thing makes my blood run cold. Ah, well. I guess it's back to eavesdropping at the bar. pout.
I'm thinking maybe you and/or Schmutzie have had a similar conversation to this one: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/3/3bradburycarlin.html
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