Tuesday, May 09, 2006

a morning chat between palinode and oskar

Oskar: Hey. Hey there.

Palinode: What's up, Oskar?

Oskar: I want something. I really want something.

Palinode: What do you want?

Oskar: I'm not sure. It's over here somewhere. That thing I want.

Palinode: You keep looking then.

Oskar: HEY!

Palinode: Shut up.

Oskar: I'M IN THE KITCHEN!

Palinode: Shut up.

Oskar: THAT THING I WANT MAY BE IN HERE!

Palinode: (gets up and walks into the kitchen) I SAID SHUT UP.

Oskar: Hey, is that food in my bowl? Because I can't smell it.

Palinode: I gave you that food twenty minutes ago. You were there. You ate some.

Oskar: I can't smell it. I have a sinus problem, you know.

Palinode: I know.

Oskar: It's a bit insensitive of you to get angry when you know I can't smell my food.

Palinode: Shut up.

Oskar: So I'm going to make like I'm burying it.

Palinode: That has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever seen. You get that, right?

Oskar: Can you help me find a toy?

Palinode: No.

Oskar: Can you help me find a toy?

Palinode: You've lost all your toys. All your balls, all your mice.

Oskar: I REALLY NEED A TOY AND I THINK IT'S UNDER THE DISHWASHER!

Palinode: Shut up.

Oskar: I NEED YOU TO LOOK UNDER THE DISHWASHER! IT'S THERE, A TOY'S THERE, REALLY IT IS, PLEASE LOOK -

Palinode: Okay. Fuck. (looks) That's one of the casters. There's nothing under there.

Oskar: AARRRRGHHH! (takes off running, knocks over a pile of books, slams into the wall, hides behind the television)

Palinode: Okay. I'm going to finish my production resume.

Oskar: You're reading Boing Boing.

Palinode: I've moved on to Digg, actually.

12 comments:

Chris said...

Talking to your animals is sensible. Them talking back is mildly frightening.

palinode said...

I'm translating. To the untrained ear, it sounds like an endless sustained mewling.

Working From Home Today said...

My cat is the same way. And I have two dogs right now, too. You should hear the 'conversations' they get up to during my work day, usually when I'm on the phone. BTW, wanna have my job? I'm thinking of selling it on eBay. I'd rather be unemployed.

Gaunilo said...

Our cat totally makes like he's burying his food too. Makes no sense. The other one only does it when something smells to her like, well, shit - coffee, chocolate, salsa...especially coffee. I get a bit offended by that.

Wende said...

My cat conquers my lap--sits there eying my torso and thinking, "I OWN this lap--this is now MY territory, not yours."

As if the lower part of me isn't connected somehow.

I'm a divided country, and part of me is run by a very tiny but malicious dictator.

Tintenfisch said...

Laughed til I cried. We go through this at our house every morning. Cat thinks, 'Maybe if I yowl in various pitches, sharpen my claws on the hallway carpet, and show them how to go down the first few stairs several times (in case they've forgotten), THIS morning they will - against all odds and past experience - feed me promptly.'

Then we get to the kitchen routine.

Lynn said...

You should hear the conversations my hamster and I have.

maarmie said...

You guys have a dishwasher? Lucky ducks...

cheesefairy said...

oh god. we have the same conversation every morning with our cat. at least now I know ours isn't *special* neurotic. one of these days the cat is going to a secret location and a dog is coming home in his place.

Amy McWeasel said...

Yep, I also laughed 'til I cried. Well played!

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Hahahahahahahahahhaha, oh, god. That was such a perfect rendition of so many conversations I've had with cats over the years. Especially the slamming into a wall part.

Dominic said...

I have similar conversations each morning, but mine are more akin to Astrid the Cat doing her Tauntaun impersonation while shredding the couch and toy box that was lovingly made by a tiny Italian man for me when I was all of four.