Thursday, May 04, 2006

horrific tales of spousal abuse #22

Afternoon in the PaliSchmutz household. Schmutzie in the bathtub, Palinode a' wandering by.

Schmutzie: Hey you?

Palinode: Yes?

Schmutzie: I don't know if you wanted to do anything right now -

Palinode: Uh-huh.

Schmutzie: - but I was thinking of cutting my hair and taking a bit of time before we went out or did anything else.

Palinode: Mmm. (deep breath, exhales slowly) Okay. That's fine with me - if you don't mind dealing with a punch to the gut.

Schmutzie: I can deal with a punch to the gut.

Palinode: Okay then. (raises fist, punches self in the stomach) OWW! AH! GOD! THE PAIN! (stumbles around the bathroom some) LORD, MAKE IT STOP! SWEET JESUS! (collapses against the wall)

Schmutzie: I think I dealt with that pretty well.

Palinode: Yes, you acquitted yourself handsomely.

Schmutzie: How'd the punch go for you?

Palinode: Hurts a bit. I think the cat witnessed the event.

Schmutzie: Just perpetuating the cycle.

11 comments:

maarmie said...

She cuts her own hair?

Chris said...

Self reliance is very important.

Dreadmouse said...

Does every haircut require a beating, or was this a special occasion?

Gaunilo said...

Didn't you once throw a rotten apple at her in the bathtub or something? Or at least in the water?

palinode said...

Maarmie: Yes.
Chris: True dat.
Dreadmouse: Yes, and also yes.
Gaunilo: It was an apple core.

schmutzie said...

Yes. It's true that I have taken to cutting my own hair. I keep it at about three inches long, so it's quite the feat to avoid creating bald patches without a three-way mirror.

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Not ever woman can deal with a punch to the gut like Schmutzie can. You're a damn lucky man, there, Palinode!

Gaunilo said...

I knew it. There, I've established my 'Node vet cred.

maarmie said...

Can't you just buzz it with a guard? No worries, then...

wavewriter said...

I have also taken to cutting my own hair; with good results, happily. Several people have complimented me on my haircut, to which I beamingly reply--Thanks! I did it myself.--Great results in the ego-boost and self-reliability departments, I must say. Way to go, schmutzie!

I've never tried punching myself in the gut, tho'. A sort of self-reliance I suppose I have missed out on. Way to go, palinode!

Oh, yes, and for both schmutzie and palinode's info, I have posted a wee entry in my long-neglected weblog. Hope you can check it out, tho' it's not really all that remarkable, other than in the sense that it is there, and I have finally broken the silence.

The other me said...

Ha, what is really clever is when you take to cutting everyone elses hair but pya vast amounts to have your own cut,my children look divine even with wobbly home cuts, me ..I need a stylist!