Thursday, May 04, 2006

horrific tales of spousal abuse #22

Afternoon in the PaliSchmutz household. Schmutzie in the bathtub, Palinode a' wandering by.

Schmutzie: Hey you?

Palinode: Yes?

Schmutzie: I don't know if you wanted to do anything right now -

Palinode: Uh-huh.

Schmutzie: - but I was thinking of cutting my hair and taking a bit of time before we went out or did anything else.

Palinode: Mmm. (deep breath, exhales slowly) Okay. That's fine with me - if you don't mind dealing with a punch to the gut.

Schmutzie: I can deal with a punch to the gut.

Palinode: Okay then. (raises fist, punches self in the stomach) OWW! AH! GOD! THE PAIN! (stumbles around the bathroom some) LORD, MAKE IT STOP! SWEET JESUS! (collapses against the wall)

Schmutzie: I think I dealt with that pretty well.

Palinode: Yes, you acquitted yourself handsomely.

Schmutzie: How'd the punch go for you?

Palinode: Hurts a bit. I think the cat witnessed the event.

Schmutzie: Just perpetuating the cycle.

10 comments:

maarmie said...

She cuts her own hair?

Chris Wilson said...

Self reliance is very important.

Anonymous said...

Does every haircut require a beating, or was this a special occasion?

guanilo said...

Didn't you once throw a rotten apple at her in the bathtub or something? Or at least in the water?

palinode said...

Maarmie: Yes.
Chris: True dat.
Dreadmouse: Yes, and also yes.
Gaunilo: It was an apple core.

Anonymous said...

Yes. It's true that I have taken to cutting my own hair. I keep it at about three inches long, so it's quite the feat to avoid creating bald patches without a three-way mirror.

Lara said...

Not ever woman can deal with a punch to the gut like Schmutzie can. You're a damn lucky man, there, Palinode!

guanilo said...

I knew it. There, I've established my 'Node vet cred.

maarmie said...

Can't you just buzz it with a guard? No worries, then...

The other me said...

Ha, what is really clever is when you take to cutting everyone elses hair but pya vast amounts to have your own cut,my children look divine even with wobbly home cuts, me ..I need a stylist!