Wednesday, April 26, 2006

foiled by predictability

In the evening, when the sun dips in the sky and the folks relax, Schmutzie and Palinode fit their long lean toned tanned presentable bodies onto the couch and watch the CSI Miami.

Palinode: Hey, this scene here. With all that flapping plastic tacked to posts. It reminds me of that bit in Lethal Weapon.

Schmutzie: Mm-hmm.

Palinode: Lethal. Weapon. The movie.

Schmutzie: Mm-hmm.

Palinode: Mel Gibson is a renegade cop who can dislocate his shoulder. (Pause) Remember?

Schmutzie: Mm.

Palinode: And Danny Glover? The irascible sidekick who had a thing for home renovation? Handy-with-a-nailgun-Danny-Glover? You remember the nailgun.

Schmutzie: Mm.

Palinode: And bad guys. Man, were there bad guys. (Pause) Remem-

Schmutzie: I DON'T CARE! I DON'T CARE ABOUT LETHAL WEAPON! I'M TRYING TO WATCH CSI!

(Long pause. At least ten seconds.)

Palinode: You know - (stops, waits for reaction) - I think - I'd like to see Lethal Weapon again. (stops once more) And I think the only thing - the only thing standing in my way of seeing Lethal Weapon - is -

Schmutzie: Me?

Palinode: Whuh?

Schmutzie: I'm what's standing in the way you watching Lethal Weapon? That's what you were going to say?

Palinode: No, I was - I was going to say -

Schmutzie: You were going to say me but I beat you to it?

Palinode: No, I was going to say... those bastards at Netflix?

Schmutzie: Yeah. If we had Netflix here.

Palinode: Lousy Netflix bastards.

11 comments:

maarmie said...

Nanee nanee boo boo!

Dana said...

Getcherselves some Zip.ca and you can cause excrutiating pain to each other by renting movies from your childhood that should never, ever, EVER be viewed again.

For example: I forced my husband to watch multiple episodes of HAMMY HAMSTER because, amazingly, that show never made it to the US. What kind of country doesn't have HAMMY?! (That's rhetorical, I swear; I already know the answer to that..)

Chris said...

Oh man, Netflix is great. I have 3 movies that I received last November. I don't even know where they are anymore. But no late fees! Of course I can't get me next 3 until I return the first 3. So Hogan's Heroes, the complete 1st season with outtakes and pilot just sits there...waiting in my queue.

palinode said...

Holy Lord, that Hammy the Hamster show. That was good creepy fun. I believe the title was (is?) Once Upon A Hamster, although I never actually saw anything upon Hammy. If you know what I mean (because I sure don't).

Maarmie: 'nanee nanee boo boo' is an accurate precis of my most of my conversations with Die Schmutz.

Chris: I've avoided Netflix-type services (I don't think we get Netflix in Canada) because I know I'd lose the DVDs or never return them. I'm just that way.

Working From Home Today said...

We have Lethal Weapon! That doesn't help you! Wait, no we don't. We have Die Hard. Still doesn't help you. Never mind.

blackbird said...

Oh, I don't think you want to see Lethal Weapon again.
No.
You'd be disappointed with the aspect ratio.

Dana said...

The original Hammy, I believe was, "Tales from the Riverbank" which disappeared for a while and reemerged as the "Once Upon a Hamster".

I think you have to be really, really, really high in order to appreciate it as an adult. There is no explanation for how that show got so weird between when I was 5 and now that I'm 30..

palinode said...

Okay, so I went and checked the aspect ratio and I think that a 1:1.85 ratio is an acceptable cinematic experience. I've probably only seen it on pan & scan.

It's actually Mel Gibson's action-oriented hair that threatens to disappoint.

mathew said...

i'm pretty sure mel gibson's hair controls the whole body. why do you think mel has so many kids? it's trying to propogate its species.

also, i'm pretty sure you didn't use irascible in a conversation while watching csi.

wavewriter said...

HELP! I'm trapped in Palinode's Palace!

Never having read your blog before today, but now having done so, I fear I may never do anything else again! I have been hooked up to this computer (not even my own) for at least 3 hrs now, and I need to go eat, and bathe, and get dressed! There's a whole city out there waiting to be explored, and here I sit in my pj's--jeez!

Oh, what the heck, I'll just read one more post...and the comments (they're so amusing!)...

(to be continued)

palinode said...

Thanks for appreciating the ongoing architectural joke of my website. Leave your room and go see Montreal, though! It's far more interesting than this weblog.