Sunday, January 15, 2006

anti-intellectual property

The Kitchen. Brunchtime for Schmutzie and Palinode. Schmutzie pokes the turkey bacon, Palinode slices an avocado.

The toast pops.

Palinode: Damn.

Schmutzie: What?

Palinode: By Odin's hanging body! (This line was not actually spoken)

Schmutzie: What?

Palinode: I made an error with your toasted cheese and avocado sandwich.

Schmutzie: What happened?

Palinode: I underestimated the toasting time. Now you'll have cold toast.

Schmutzie: No worries. I'm going to broil the sandwich so the cheese melts.

Palinode: That sounds really good. But you should know that if you broil this sandwich, I will sue.

Schmutzie: You'll... what?

Palinode: I will sue.

Schmutzie: Sue? Sue who?

Palinode: Because I'm making this toasted cheese and avocado sandwich, it is my intellectual property. The license I'm granting you does not extend to further preparation beyond the application of condiments.

Schmutzie: A sandwich is not intellectual property.

Palinode: By removing the top slice of toast and placing the open-face sandwich into the oven, you are violating the end user license agreement by reverse engineering and then altering the sandwich.

Schmutzie: I'm going to throw some salt onto it as well.

Palinode: Your license authorizes salt.

Schmutzie: I need a shallow baking pan.

Palinode: You may also back up your sandwich onto your hard drive.

Schmutzie: I need a shallow baking pan to hit you with.

Palinode: I hate those Creative Commons baking pans. You can do anything with them.


cheesefairy said...

I am glad you & Schmutzie are back from Costa Rica. I found your Palace the day you left, laughed heartily at your archive-posts and awaited your return with bated breath. Yes, that might be the smell you smell.

blackbird said...

good christ.

I'm guessing that your people will need to meet with her people regarding dinner.

mathew said...

i only eat by-nc-sa grilled sandwiches.

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

What about the microwave? Or would the resulting sogginess void any contract?

sgazzetti said...

You have just described our worst nightmare, varying from the ever-more horrific EULAs in only one detail: you should have waited until after she took ownership of the sandwich before disclosing the terms of what Schmutzie was agreeing to, and then refused to allow her to return it or bin it.

pterals said...

The Dream-maker Sandwich (patent pending): Tuna in olive oil, on toast, topped with thinly sliced tomato, aged cheddar, roasted red pepper, avocado sprinkled with italian seasoning, salt and pepper and cashews split in half.

Guaranteed to make dreams. (Terms and conditions apply. Not valid for residents of Quebec. Not a real guarantee.)

palinode said...

Oooh. Oneiric open source sandwich recipe. Sandwich is provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind. Dreams made may be differen than depicted.