Sunday, October 09, 2005

all my terrible aching needs

Schmutzie borrowed this from Sweetney, and now I hoist this over my shoulders and toss it into the waste pit of my weblog. The game is simple: Google "[your name] needs" and skim the best of the results. I didn't use the name Palinode (since a palinode needs nothing but its subject material, and even that it abandons). Instead I used my real name, which I've used on this site once or twice but don't feel like abusing with overuse. Suffice it to say that my name, which was extremely unusual when I was born in the early seventies, has now become a favourite of new parents for both boys and girls. It's also showing up on soap operas, Sex & The City and one of the CSIs, so my Googled needs tend to the melodramatic and pediatric. Without searching my site or cheating by Googling portions of these phrases, see if you can guess my name. Winner receives something. I don't know what yet, but I'll send it to you by mail! That's always a slice of fresh-cut fun.

Palinode needs to be with Kendall
Palinode needs a decent storyline
Palinode needs serious convincing - he's been burned
Palinode needs a friend right now
Maria thinks seeing her face right now is the last thing Palinode needs
Palinode needs to be put in a hospital and kept there while new medications are tried
Palinode needs some basic geography help
Palinode needs me to be there
Palinode needs to see a doctor
Palinode needs a clue
Palinode needs to be calmed down enough to be put into his crib w/o screaming his head off the second we put him down.
Palinode needs something more exciting to do
Palinode needs some better choices than who've they've been throwing him with.
Palinode needs Simone. Or Kendall. Or me.
Palinode needs to catch Mel Baxter and to do so he needs to camp out at the resort.
Palinode needs an enema. Palinode needs an enema. Palinode needs an enema. [this one worries me a little]
Palinode needs Lara to help him remember his music
Palinode needs that encouragement in his life
Palinode needs someone wild and fun
Palinode needs a strong character to play against him
Palinode needs the respirator to help out his lungs
Palinode needs to steer clear of the local gang of thugs led by Johnno
Palinode needs a way to help them
Palinode needs only a major to finish
Palinode needs sesame street chicken
Palinode needs his mama around
Palinode needs treatment for his neurological problems
Palinode needs two takes to find his happy face
Palinode needs to spend some time on the floor too
Palinode needs a chaperone
Palinode needs me to scare away monsters in his closet and under his bed.
Palinode needs a little brother or sister
Palinode needs your help to make the Rooftop Playground a reality
Palinode needs to have me up and about
Palinode needs cereal
Palinode needs a puppy!
Palinode needs a serious dose of chocolate and a long-ass bath
Palinode needs to learn how to go out and socialise without my help
Palinode needs serious convincing - He's been burned
Palinode needs the computer for the International work
Palinode needs a playmate
Palinode needs to keep pursuing Kendall
Palinode needs one, tool that is
Palinode needs to be surrounded by people who are going to be a constant in his life
Palinode needs me to balance him still
Palinode needs a break
Palinode needs help
Palinode needs to let lying dogs sleep
Palinode needs to stop with all that linguistics and language crap
Palinode needs a lot of names, doesn't he?
Palinode needs his diaper changed
Palinode needs to be fed every three hours
Palinode needs to get a haircut and a real job
Palinode needs to tidy it up
Palinode needs me
Palinode needs Mia - but not like that
Palinode needs a woman
Palinode needs a middle name
Palinode needs one of those
Palinode needs 47 cards
Palinode needs to do something
HOLY CRAP Palinode needs to learn now to drive
Palinode needs You
Palinode needs a new blankie
Palinode needs more tummy time
Palinode needs that kind of medical attention
Palinode needs to find a Roger Moore chat room now

There you go. I'm a barrel of needs. Give me my 47 cards and my tummy time or I'll take a shiv to you.


blackbird said...

Not. Fair.

The Schmutz slipped your real name to me in an email.

Now I can't play.

Blackbird needs a present in the mail.

Jason said...

I'm fairly certain that the saint who shares your name was sent to deal with the stubborn and intractable Angles of Northumbria. (I hope that's not too obtuse for you!)

(Check it out at

And if you're serious about sending your "something" by surface mail, I'm your worst nightmare, as I reside somewhat south of Northumbria -- and I'm stubborn and intractable to boot.

(Is that a shiv in your pocket or are you just... oh, yeah -- that's a shiv alright.)

Anonymous said...

I can't really play, cause I know your name, but I am impressed that you, unlike me, do not need prayers - according to Google searches, anyhow.

Anonymous said...

It's hardly any fun to guess when you make it so easy, Jessica.

palinode said...

That's the funniest line I've heard all year. That's a genuine no-fi knee-slapper.

Unknown said...

Your name is Aidan.

Anonymous said...

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic, but if you are I vow to be funnier in the future. It is hard.

palinode said...

I'm not being sarcastic there. That made me laugh out loud in my lonely office.

Anonymous said...

Boy, you do have a lot of pediatric needs. :)

Even though I know your name, and have for a quite a while now, I'm not that bright and never would have guessed it from that list.