Thursday, December 16, 2004

suggested pizza marketing slogan

Exciting Slices.

That's my gift to pizza concerns everywhere. Forget the P'zone Revolution, never mind Getting More Of What You Love, don't Get The Door because It's Dominos. Help yourself to Exciting Slices today.

FAQ

1. What's so great about Exciting Slices?
Possibly it's the rising and falling action of the stresses - the sense that you're being buoyed up to ecstatic heights by the second and third syllables, only to be gently slid down on the soft sibilants of 'slices' to reality once more, a reality leavened by the possibility of a piece of pizza - that really gets consumer attention. Maybe it's the juxtaposition of that brittle 't' amongst all those softer, squishier sounds that recalls the combined crunch of crust and yielding dough. Maybe it's a combination of all these things.

2. Are you really giving this slogan away for free? What a deal!
A deal? It's an out-and-out steal, the purest thievery going. Any pizza company that hitches their wagon to this star, this solar burst of marketing savvy, will find itself hurtling through the pizza-sales cosmos. And I ask for nothing in return but the satisfaction taken in witnessing the success of others.

3. Man, if this is your free offering, you've obviously got some great stuff to offer the world of prepared food marketing. Care to give us a glimpse of what else you've got in store?
Sure. For those engaged in the production of niche-market foods such as Ferruginous Hawk Pie or Trace Elements & Minerals Biscuits, I have developed comprehensive plans with marketing research, publicity packages, and five-year projections. I don't want to give too much away, but I can tell you that, thanks to my efforts, the traditional Christmas turkey dinner may soon become a Festive Ferruginous Feast. Oh yes: "Hawk!" the herald angels will be singing for 2005.

4. Okay, what if I were to beat you where you stand for posting this on the internet? I mean beat you so bad that you couldn't walk or sit properly for the next six months? I'm trying to impress on you here a total thrashing.
That would be entirely fair.

1 comment:

Vexation said...

Do you deliver?