Monday, December 20, 2004

the econversations

I'm one of those, whatyacallit, fans of overheard conversations in crowded places. Unfortunately, I don't get to hear a whole lot of them, or at least not ones that make any sense. My most commonly overheard conversation these days is the one that my upstairs neighbours like to have around two in the morning, which usually goes like this:

HIM: Mmmm... mmm...
SHE: Ahh. AAAAHHH! AAAAAAAHHH!
HIM: MMMmmm.

That one's a keeper. What it lacks in syllables, it makes up for in brio. And it sounds more exciting than the lesbian couple who used to live next to us and mostly sounded like they were holding back a sneeze when they had sex. But these aren't the kind of overheard conversations that I enjoy. I prefer the kind with actual sentences, a smidge of context, and an ironically amusing punchline. The kind that happen in coffee shops, at intersections, around water coolers (those really do happen!). Or the kind that I imagine happening between webloggers:*

Kittycoo: Shamus and I haven't spoken together for six months and I think that's best. He is just so negative and insulting to me that I wish he wasn't my first ever cat I owned.

Mylife24: Somewhere a woman I don't know in circumstances I don't understand is getting an abortion, and that makes me mad. I'd feel a lot better if she didn't do it.

Nolump: My battle with breast cancer has been a life-affirming gift. It's made me realize that I'm a much better person than everyone else. Especially ones with two breasts.

Scozzy: All youz bitchez get offa my hump!!! Shout outz to mah dogz in thah burbz!

Parousiac: My beliefs and values tally exactly with an invisible man in the sky who runs the cosmos.

Festlock: My inability to bear children has given me the uncanny ability to relate everything I experience to the fact that I cannot bear children.

Googoo: Today I had some random rambling incoherent musings while I was watching TV or shopping or something.

Patriota1: Lately I've been starting to think that everyone who comments on my blog is part of a conspiracy of the cultural/financial elite who run this country and are seeking ever more vicious ways to silence me.

Publicmind: I sincerely believe that living in my mother's basement and surfing the web with her broadband connection constitutes an active political life.

Scarletfraulein: Being a prostitute in a major city is actually really really exciting, whatever the early films of Scorcese may imply.

Kulturkampf: This blog is meant to stimulate intellectual conversation amongst a select group of blog members. Has anyone else here been subjected the inane demands of yet another Christmas season? I no longer find all this "goodwill" particularly drôll.

Fireislexile: I'm gay gay gay gay gay and a dad.

Bipole: i don't know what's wrong with me today, i can't get excited about anything, this afternoon i made a milkshake but it didn't taste too good.

Newrealitydawns: I will singlehandedly take down the Loonie Left by cutting and pasting from the Drudge Report.

Buddyman: Ha ha, I met a guy of a different ethnic background the other day, and WOW was it crazy! And you all know my history of meeting guys from different ethnic backgrounds, right? NO, not like that, you dirty dudes!

Hottcupple: MMMmmm... MMM... AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!... ahhh... ahhh...

*Entirely fictitious. Any resemblance etcetera.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Schmutzie said...

You've described so much bad blog writing that I have had the misfortune to surf by. Ha!

luvabeans said...

oh, that was rich. RICH! HELLA RICH!