As many of you know, newspapers all over the world have reported that Condoleeza Rice has been tapped to fill Colin Powell's position. If you visit the official White House site, though, you'll see that it's the oil tanker Condoleeza Rice who will be Bush's Secretary of State for his second term in the Oval Office:
Washington (AP) -- The giant Chevron tanker, renamed the Altair Voyager not long before Rice left Chevron to become Bush's National Security Adviser, expressed its excitement at the appointment in a special news conference.
"As the first double-hulled tanker to be appointed Secretary of State, I promise fewer spills, an unblemished safety record and prompt delivery of unrefined policy to all corners of the United States".
"Even though I am only nine years old and officially registered in the Bahamas, I assure you that neither my youth nor my deceptive transnational identity will impede my performance".
The Rice then spewed oil over the assembled reporters. "That's my precious lifeblood and cool drink of water all rolled up in one!" exclaimed the "Suezmax" ship, so termed because its girth is the maximum allowable for passage through the Suez canal.
When asked about its name change in 1999 to the Altair Voyager, it said: "Chevron officials, including my namesake, felt that it was inappropriate to associate a senior Bush cabinet official with the myriad oil spills, human-rights violations and general rapine qualities of the oil industry. It would have been tacky to remind everybody that the Bush administration has forgotten the distinction between those who govern in the people's name and those who kick the Earth's ass to make a buck". The ship continued, "So yeah. They changed my name".
The Rice then spewed more crude on the crowd. "Sorry about that," it remarked. "A reef breached my hull a few days ago".
After repairs, the new Secretary of State plans to make a diplomatic visit to the nations of Nigeria and Angola.
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