Saturday, June 10, 2006

properties of availability

This one reveals a narrative weakness because it requires backstory. But I trust you'll forgive me this one time, since my weblog is usually so strong on narrative coherence. Oh yes it is. Don't look at me like that.

EARLIER:

Schmutzie: You know, I feel like more coffee.

Palinode: A fine idea.

Schmutzie: I think I'll make some, if it's available.

Palinode: I look forward to a nice cup of available coffee.

SOMEWHAT LATER:

Palinode: I cleaned the kitchen.

Schmutzie: That's awesome. [It certainly is.]

Palinode: So now there is no obstacle to the making of available coffee.

Schmutzie: As soon as I finish putting photographs of flowers on Flickr, I'll go make available coffee.

MUCH LATER:

Schmutzie: It turns out we only have unavailable coffee.

Palinode: Ah, that's a shame.

Schmutzie: It's crunchier than the available stuff.

Palinode: Therefore you would say that smoothness is an essential property of availability?

Schmutzie: Married women are really crunchy, for example.

Palinode: Yet they are smooth for their husbands?

Schmutzie: Absolutely.

Palinode: This is sounding like a really stupid Socratic dialogue.

Schmutzie: HA! [Someday I will tell you about the first time I ever heard the HA! of Schmutzie. It was loud and unexpected and right in my face. We were just a couple of young punks at the time.]

Palinode: First he'd ask a slave about smooth rich availability. ['Richness' is an attendant property of 'smoothness,' so availability is necessarily rich as well as smooth.]

Schmutzie: I think he talked to slaves just because he knew he'd be smarter than them.

Palinode: And then he'd turn to his friend and say, "So, Herakleon, you see that a slave understands how smooth availability is, so you must accept it as well". And Herakleon would say "I sure do, Socrates!"

Schmutzie: Nobody ever argued with Socrates.

Palinode: And then he'd blow their minds by singing "November Rain".

4 comments:

palinode said...

Socrates: Nothing lasts forever, Herakleon.

Herakleon: What you say is true, Socrates.

Socrates: And we both know hearts can change.

Herakleon: What bold conclusions you come to! But do continue.

Socrates: And it's hard to hold a candle.

Herakleon: Particulary when gripped by the wick.

Socrates: In the cold November rain.

Herakleon: Slash looks so wrecked.

Anonymous said...

Are you guys interested in a pub quiz this evening? Knock three times, on the window if you want to.

-Friday

Chris said...

Smoothness always conveys availability. I'm reminded of my wife's leg shaving habits and the good times that follow.

Anonymous said...

Smoothness... crunchiness... truly, Palinode, you and Schmutzie are wiser far than I.

~K.