Monday, December 27, 2010

Seven Good Reasons to Carry Your Oranges Around in a Pillowcase

This thing is stuffed full of oranges.


Carrying an orange with you is the generally accepted sign of being an okay fellow and an all around good citizen. After all, how often have you heard of a crime being committed by someone holding an orange? Exactly. Over time it's become a shorthand for announcing your good intentions, especially when traveling.

Once you put your orange in a pillowcase, the situation changes. Now you look like you're going to bludgeon someone with your sleepsack o' citrus. But there are more than a few good reasons to choose a pillowcase over the palm of your hand as an orange storage solution. Find out what those reasons are after the jump!

There's no jump.

1. Volume. I feel ridiculous pointing this out, but even a small pillowcase has a greater capacity than your hand. Even if you have insane Wilt Chamberlain hands, the odds are that you can carry more oranges with the aid of a pillowcase.

2. Redundancy. Any systems analyst knows the importance of redundant elements. If your chosen orange isn't cutting it or gets slapped out of your hand (sometimes it happens at Customs), you've got a half-dozen alternatives. Think ahead!

3. Nutrition. Since you only need one orange for social purposes, consider the extra oranges food. Your stomach will thank you, unless you eat six oranges at once, or one orange whole, or two oranges peeled but eaten with the peeler.

4. Efficiency. On the go? Find yourself strapped for time in the morning? Using a pillowcase to transport your oranges removes the need to go searching for an extra bag. Just get out of bed, remove the case from your pillow and you're good to go.

5. Aesthetics. A pillowcase full of oranges can help you cut an attractive figure, particularly if the bag is affixed stylishly to your belt or duct taped to your back. And at night, drift into dreams on your citrus-scented pillow.

6. Finances. Stop wasting money on orange bags!

7. Entertainment. And finally, when you're bored or stranded at a party full of strangers, cut the ice by beating someone senseless with a pillowcase full of oranges.

Next up: stay clean wherever you go with a bar of soap stuffed into a sock.

4 comments:

The Nag said...

Tip:Frozen oranges can do real damage.

Keely said...

I will no longer be stuck in awkward social situations. Thanks!

Jen Wilson said...

I think this is my most favoritest post I've ever read.

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

Sadly, I believe Stanley Kubrick forever ruined the giddy innocence of carrying soap around in a sock. Now everyone assumes you're off in search of fat, pasty white guys to beat with said soap/sock combo due to their love of jelly doughnuts. Which is, of course, totally unfair. Fat pasty white guys deserve beatings, regardless of their pastry love.