Monday, October 11, 2010

Thirty Days of Truth: Day 1

Oh yes. I've signed on with various pals to blog out thirty days of truth. We're tackling truth on Mondays and Wednesdays, so the thirty days are going to be spread out over fifteen weeks (Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays will still be given over to mendacity). Which means that we will be well into the hard ground of February before we've tilled all the expectant truths from this project. Some of these will be great fun. Others will not. Day 1 is an example of what will not be fun. But it's best to try the bitter before the sweet, and see how it goes:

Day 1: Something I Hate About Myself

Well, what day is it? Because there are days when every atom I cart around is brimming with a nauseating acid, a thin ugly mixture of my disgust. But there are more tempered and temperate days when I enjoy a few things about myself - the texture and shade of my skin, the silver hairs that have gradually sprouted in place of the red in my beard, or maybe my taste in clothes. But it's not a physical trait or habit of character that I dislike about myself so much as it is the entire web of my consciousness. It goes everywhere and yet seems blunted or burnt off at the same time, as if I'm just intelligent enough to understand my limits and not nearly wise enough to derive satisfaction from my talents.

It's important to distinguish my generalized unhappiness right now, which springs from being in a transitional period at a point in my life when I'm about take a seat in the antechamber of middle age, from my dislike of my limits. That dislike corrodes my ease, pits me and leaves me shot through with holes. People can see it, that corrosion, or I imagine they can, and it makes me feel inauthentic and ridiculous.

Now that I reread this, I'm not sure how truthful it is. I think I've managed to erase what I'm saying as I say it, cover it up with the very words intended to unearth a truth. I do not like that I feel stupid or unable to measure up sometimes. It seems completely out of place with everything I know about myself. I can not possibly be true. And yet I believe it. And maybe that's the thing I hate.

That's really all that I can say. Day 1.

***

Following are the writing prompts for 30 Days of Truth, should you be interested in doing so yourself.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

9 comments:

Momo Fali said...

You know what I hate about myself? I hate reading other work that is so real that I can feel the words. They can be soft or gritty, square or round, or they can be curved all around a subject, but they are always palpable. They make me want to hang up my pen and paper (okay, who am I kidding...hang up my laptop) because I know I will never write as well as they do. You just did that. Damn it.

Beta Dad said...

Yeah...just as I suspected. You are about 10% too smart for your own good. I have known so many people like that. No good can come of it. (I mean for you--other selfish bastards can reap all kinds of benefits from your intellect). I'm not sure how to fix it, but TV and booze can't hurt.

sweetney said...

You are one of the most talented, brilliant, funny people I've known in my entire life. And I've known a lot of brillant, talented, funny people, believe me. I wish you could see yourself as I see you.

Though maybe if you could you'd be an egotistic asshole, so perhaps things are better off as they are. :)

dk said...

From an old woman about to take a seat on the rollercoaster of life's halfway over. Sounds like what you really hate is our complete inability to slow down time's effects on our corporeal selves while our spirits still think they're 20 something. Ditto.

You will always be brilliant.

flutter said...

You inspire me, Which I know is cheesy as hell etc etc, but you are so smart and brilliant and SO YOU.

Mrs. Wilson said...

You know, I've only hung out with you twice, but there is nothing about you that I hate. I think you (and your awesome wife) are pretty spectacular.

Also, I like this 30 days thing and may just have to join the bandwagon.

ozma said...

Oh damn, I'm horrible about these things.

Do I have to follow the schedule?

A thing I hate about myself is that I back down when confronted by bullies--or even people more aggressive than me.

I once wrote a post that I'm sure would annoy all Canadians about how I wanted to move to Canada because I noticed there are fewer pushy people in Canada and life would be less scary for me. But I also just like Canada.

I hate this thing about myself so much that I actually have punched myself in the face for it...literally.

Like other people I also find you brilliant and talented but I tend to take you for granted also.

NoShowMo said...

Thank you for inspiring me to write after more than a year of no writing at all. I eagerly anticipate learning your truth, and am apprehensive but excited to learn my own through writing it. This is a great project. Thanks.

rekabek said...

Wow, great job! The phrase "about to take a seat in the antechamber of middle age" is going to stick with me for a long time. What does it look like in there? What magazines are we reading? When it's time to proceed into middle age, will we be called by name or by number?

I really like this post and the whole idea of this project. Am going to read the rest of them now.