Sunday, September 19, 2010

Dr. Manhattan Reviews Christopher Nolan

When not passively allowing massive disasters to devastate New York City, Dr. Manhattan enjoys sharing his thoughts on contemporary film


“It's the end of the movie. The top is spinning. Twenty seconds from now the audience is groaning. Now it's the middle of the film. The van is falling. They want to wake up. Too late. It's always too late”.

The Prestige

“The film hinges on Christian Bale playing two characters pretending to be one person. But already they are the same. They are Christian Bale. The atoms of each character are identical because they reside in the same body. The only atoms I liked in this film were the ones in Scarlett Johanson. I'm thinking of asking her out, or maybe creating a Scarlett Johanson to live with me on Alpha Centauri. Did you know that David Bowie is in this film? Sometimes I think he's the only person who really gets me”.


“I haven't watched this one yet, which means that I will never watch it. Wait, I'm seeing a few minutes of it at a friend's house. Why did he invite me over if he's just going to sit there getting high and watching cable? Now I am at his funeral and he still won't talk to me. I need to find cooler friends”.

The Dark Knight

“I am waiting in line to see The Dark Knight. It is an hour later and I am still in line. It's 2008. Will I ever get in to see this film? Now I am at the ticket counter but the movie is sold out. It's okay, it's Tuesday now and I'm back. The movie is sold out again and I am being arrested for indecent exposure. It's 2010 and I am watching it on Blu-ray. The resolution is outstanding. The franchise is restored. I won't tell anybody that Joel Schumacher is about to start making sequels again”.


“Well, that was disappointingly straightforward”.


Adam P. Knave said...

That might eb the best Inception review yet, man. Nice work!

amy von hawkins said...

In five minutes, I will have already left a compliment within the comments section but will be thinking about how it could have been wittier.

The Holmes said...

That poor guy. He looks so galaxy-weary.

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Paul Dechene said...

Wow. And then Dr Manhattan shows up on the blog and leaves an anonymous comment about air conditioners. How spooky is that?

Anyway, why isn't this a top 6 in the dog? You need to get paid for scribbling of this quality.

Anonymous said...

This post is greater than the sum of of all the sunlight in Insomnia.

Loralee Choate said...

I concure with Shawn. SNORT worthy.

Stephen Whitworth said...

I agree with Dechene. That is some quality scribbling there.

Little Big / exlibris said...

Um. This was rad.

Also after seeing The Prestige I kind of think Nikola Tesla and David Bowie are the same person. Thoughts, Dr Manhattan?

palinode said...

Ex libris - It's 2010. Ex libris is taunting me with her avocado prowess. Then she wants my opinion on the atoms in David Bowie and Nikola Tesla. It's the 52nd century and I still feel the sting of her avocado taunting, so I answer her question in 2009, before the Rift Of The Green Fruit.

Nikola Tesla and David Bowie actually shared a few atoms in the late '70s, but the real transference occurred when Bowie's performance folded the continuum in a tesseract formation that briefly brought the two together in an extra-dimensional pocket universe where it was permissible for different bodies to occupy an identical point in space-time. They needed a smoke and a vacation in the Pyrenees after that.

Now I'm on Mars. My butt is cold.