Friday, October 17, 2008

Mes for Palin

I’m not an American. But if I were, I’d support Sarah Palin. In fact, I’m starting up an organization called Mes for Palin. Why? Because she’s just like me. She’s a hockey mom. I’m a hockey mom, sometimes. She shot a moose. I shot a tall guy. She actually hunts moose in nature. I hunt tall guys on my private human game reserve. She shoots wolves from a helicopter. I pee standing up. She runs Alaska. I run my refrigerator (frost-free, biznatches!). She’s protected by the Lord from witchcraft. I keep a wrench on me in case Stevie Nicks shows up.

Are you catching the similarities yet? She sees Russia. I see England, France and Sasha Grey’s underpants. She gets tongue-tied in front of Katie Couric. I too feel the white-hot heat of Couric’s raw sexuality, even through the television screen. She loves America. I love a small subset of paranoid ultra-right conservatives who lost their dignity and their marbles years ago. She has close ties to a secessionist party. I moved out my parent’s house last week so I can understand the need for independence, so STOP READING THIS MOM. She is kept from speaking to the press. I am kept from entering the YWCA again. She probably has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Everyone probably loves me too. If I were me, I’d be just like me too, and I’d be part of Mes for Palin. Because she’s me.

12 comments:

Schmutzie said...

This is who I live with? You shot a tall guy? What? I need to go lie down.

notquiteawake said...

I love this post.
So much.

BarbaraCA said...

Some of down here in the lower 50 are just basically hyperventilating for the next 2.5 weeks.

palinode said...

schmutzie - I only shot that guy because he was all looming over me and stuff, and running at such high speed.

notquiteawake - Thank you.

barbaraca - We're a little tense up here too.

Abigail Road said...

Best thing I've read this morning. Hilarious!

Ozma said...

I'm starting to love Sarah Palin. I can't help it. Not enough to want her to be Vice President. And not enough not to want her to go away from politics forever. But in some way that I can't really explain right now.

Pearl said...

I shall change my intended vote, as everything you just said made perfect sense to me.

Funniest thing I've read in the last week.

Pearl

Chris said...

She's a damn site better looking than Joe Biden. I'll give her that.

EmmaK said...

wow! you are exactly alike apart from one thing. I bet she looks a lot better than you in stockings. But you've totally convinced me to vote for her. great post!

palinode said...

abigail road - Thanks. I aim to relieve boredom.

ozma - It's hard to get enough of Palin, isn't it? I think it's because she comes off as so guileless - she just loves the sudden celebrity, just as much as we would. We're along for her ridiculous ride.

pearl - Maybe I should join the McCain/Palin campaign?

chris - You're only saying that because you've never seen Biden naked.

emmak - I don't know, emma. I look pretty damn fine in a pair of stockings.

A Cuban In London said...

Oh, yes, I'm right behind you, mate, especially in the 'I can see England' bit. I live in London. :-)

Greetings from London.

ChurchPunkMom said...

ok, i'm a little late.. but i had to comment. i LOVE this post.. i want to take it home, keep it with me, carry it with me and make it my pet...

Mes for Palin too...