Thursday, April 17, 2008

nonsensical and creepy pickup lines

Do I come here often?

If I could arrange the alphabet, I would be like unto God. No doubt I would eventually be punished for my hubris and bound to a rock somewhere for all eternity. So I guess what I’m saying is, would you wait for me?

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to crush every bone in your rockin’ hot body.

If you came in here with a knife and jumped on me and put your knee to my throat and cut out my beating heart and stuffed it in your purse and ran out again, I’d call the police because you’d have stolen my heart. No, but I’d be dead and unable to contact the authorities.

Excuse me. Are you a man? Because I don’t like men. I like women. I said I like women. I only ask because you seem nice but I can see your penis. Wait, that’s my penis I’m seeing. Looks like we’re both seeing my penis together. Do you think it's fate?

So, did I come here with friends or am I all by myself?

Hey, did you fall from Heaven? Because I have a script with me and I think God would be great in the lead.

Are you made of teak? That's a heavy but strong wood.

I have a hybrid bicycle.

8 comments:

lotus07 said...

Please tell me you haven't actually used these lines yourself. ..... and if by chance you have....which ones worked?

blackbird said...

Do you have a band-aid? because I think I hurt myself when I fell for you.

notquiteawake said...

Those are awesome.

Ozma said...

Those would work on me. Well, the teak one at least. I love teak!

palinode said...

lotus07 - I haven't tried any of them out, but I've got a good feeling about the teak one. Teak's a quality wood.

blackbird - Damn.

notquiteawake - Thank you. Feel free to use them as you see fit.

ozma - A-ha! I was right about the teak line.

Blog Starr said...

Here is my wallet. Feel free to investigate every scrap of it, so that you can know me well and hard. I am willingly transparent for you. Just let me know when you would like to reciprocate.

rekabek said...

Those are all awesome, but this excerpt is really cracking me up: "Looks like we’re both seeing my penis together. Do you think it's fate?" Both sentences are pretty funny on their own, but together they are painfully hilarious.

Or maybe I just need to get some sleep.

Disgraced Media Baron said...

On eBay I've been auctioning off product placement in my pickup lines. The biggest payouts have been from Castrol and Swanson's Hungry Man dinners, but for the life of me I can't figure out how to work those in.