I didn't know about your TV exploits. If someone had asked me about C.O.B.R.A. I would have shrugged. Nonetheless, you came to live with me on my fourth birthday, hiding in a plastic box. Twelve inches tall, with brown velcro-fuzzy hair and beard, and yes, a kung-fu grip that I found fascinating for a day.
But in truth, I had no great interest in military play, even back then. Sure, give me my Six Million Dollar Man action figures, with Maskatron and the Steve Austin Hyperbaric Chamber. Bring on the Spiderman car with the spring-action net. Why did Spiderman have a net-throwing car? Couldn't he just use his own webbing to get around town and catch criminals? And wasn't Spiderman 3 a disappointment? It's like Sam Raimi left halfway through and just said, "Oh, you know, just wrap it all up, people will still line up at the theatres and buy the DVD". What a bummer. I have high hopes for the upcoming G.I. Joe movie, though.
6 comments:
I used to quite enjoy putting strings across my room so GIJoe's could rope -slide here and there, hither and fro.
GIJoe's kungfu was also just the right size for strangling Lego men.
GI Joe dated my Barbie for years. That was, until mom brought Ken into the house. Then Barbie was all about Ken, because he could at least look her in the eye. Poor GI Joe was left dating She-Ra, who had one hell of a temper.
Childhood ended for me when they shrunk Mr. Joe down to a toy action figure with his own cartoon series. Just wasn't the same.
I didn't have G.I. Joes until they were ineffectual, two-inch-high nothings with less power than no one. My brother loved them; I hated them. He used to break my Transformers, so I'd snap his G.I. Joes in half (they were held together with cheap rubber bands, basically). I'd leave one half in the toy box for him to find; the other, I'd feed to the cat. Or bury in the garden. So, somewhere in western Oklahoma, there's a house with about 50 half-G.I. Joe torsos buried in its backyard.
Ya think they decompose?
What? You didn't blow up Joe with firecrackers? I thought that was what they were made for, the art of war and all.
anonymous - What a good idea. I didn't really have a practical enough mind to invent rope slides for my G.I. Joe.
abigail road - True fact: She-Ra would get her horse to kick her boyfriends in the nuts. Like, all the time.
lotus07 - That's true. But we were introduced to the wacky world of COBRA.
nate - Action figure corpses never disappear completely. One day they're going to find those things and trace them back to you.
witchypoo - No, I melted toy soldiers with a magnifying glass.
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