Saturday, October 20, 2007

fossil conflict

Lonely coelacanth in need of a good home

It's morning! You know who doesn't like morning? Hungover sods, that's who. Palinode and Schmutzie lounge in bed like the hungover sods they are.

Palinode: When we got together, people told me you were empathetic.

Schmutzie: Really?

Palinode: Would you describe yourself as empathetic?

Schmutzie: ...

Schmutzie: Why are you asking me this again?

Palinode: Because I still don't have a pet coelacanth.

Schmutzie: That is totally illegal!

Palinode: You say you have all this empathy, and yet you miss out on my need for a coelacanth to call my own.

Schmutzie: Empathy is not like being psychic.

Palinode: All our friends have been picking up on my coelacanth vibe. They've taken me aside and asked me point blank why we don't have one yet. What can I tell them?

Schmutzie: I'm not stopping you from getting a coelacanth.

Palinode: Oh, you're not stopping me. But you're not being proactive either. Where was my coelacanth last Christmas?

Schmutzie: I'm not getting you a coelacanth.

Palinode: I would have named it Irvine. It would have lived in the tub.

Schmutzie: It would have been gross.

Palinode: I don't really want a coelacanth, you know.

Schmutzie: Really.

Palinode: It's just that I feel so alive when we fight.

Lucky man strokes his pet coelacanth lovingly


Helvetica said...

Is it just me or does that fish look happy? Maybe the problem is that Schmutzie's empatheticness does not embrace those with gills.

palinode said...

Happy? That fish is positively beaming. And dead.

Nan said...

too much awesomeness. too much.

fatboyfat said...

Coelacanth: the perfect present. Just add mayonnaise.

butterfly said...

LOL - this post makes my belly hurt from laughing - I'm not even sure why I am finding it so funny, but it is.

You have a way with comedic dialogue, sir. ;-D

Theresa Bakker said...

Funny . . . and wise? I think you've just identified the reason we have wars. We fight to feel alive. Or maybe the answer's been there all along. Something as obvious as your desire for a pet coelacanth. How do you pronounce that anyway?

palinode said...

fatboyfat - Coelacanth on a stick is the newest treat from the Indian Ocean! One bathtub full of mayonnaise, a 5' plank (make sure it isn't cedar), a jumbo-sized deep fryer, salt and pepper to taste.

palinode said...

butterfly - Thanks.

Theresa - Coelacanth is pronounced SEE-la-kanth. The 'oe' is actuallly a diphthong. The name is derived from the Greek for 'hollow spine'.

Coelacanths were thought to have died out with the dinosaurs until some fishermen caught one off the South African coast in 1938.