Monday, August 20, 2007

being american

Sunday afternoon. Nothing much going on. Palinode slips on his new shoes. He likes to call them his 'fresh kicks'.

Schmutzie: What are you doing?

Palinode: Putting on my fresh kicks.

Schmutzie: Are you going somewhere?

Palinode: I have a hot date.

Schmutzie: No you don't.

Palinode: It's really possible.

Schmutzie: You don't get any hot dates.

Palinode: Remember yesterday when I went to the acupuncturist? Maybe I met somebody there and arranged for a hot date.

Schmutzie: No.

Palinode: Oh I see. You don't think I can get a hot date. Well I can and I have, and now I'm going out on it.

Schmutzie: Who's your date?

Palinode: (Points at the cat) He's right there.

Schmutzie: You can't go out on a date with Onion.

Palinode: I can do anything I want. This is America.

Schmutzie: No it isn't.

Palinode: Are you sure? We're speaking English.

Schmutzie: They speak English in England.

Palinode: I guess that's English.

Schmutzie: This is Canada.

Palinode: But I feel so free and brave.


fatboyfat said...

Because only pillocks would get Americans and Canadians mixed up, I suppose...

palinode said...

Why, that's the very definition of a pillock.

In truth, the differences between Canadians and Americans don't come through clearly in writing. You can't hear the 'ehs' we throw in, or the preposterously raised vowels, and you can't see our jumpsuits of back bacon and maple candy. And you certainly can't hear us not invading your country.

Ozma said...

Are you joking? Americans are the most fearful people alive.

Rebecca said...

I think the differences come through when people insist, until proven wrong by all that is holy and just, that Jemaine on Flight of the Conchords is actually Jermaine.

See, Canadians love to insert the letter "r" into everything.

palinode said...

Yers, rit's trrue,

palinode said...

Ozma: I don't fear Americans. I beat up five Americans per day to maintain my manly physique and my excruciating back pain.

Rebecca said...

I think Ozma meant that we're fearful, as in we're a great big nation of fraidy cats.

See, this explains everything from the guns to Carrot Top.

Rebecca said...

Wow. That's twice I've had to make you people "see". You guys need glasses.

palinode said...

Oh yeah. Fearful. As in 'full of fear'. As opposed to fearsome, which is 'some of fear', which was made into "Sum Of All Fears", which sucked.

Mr. Head said...

Bwaaaa hahahhahah aha aha!! Good one.