Monday, March 26, 2007


Yesterday I picked up John Hodgman's endlessly informative almanac The Areas of My Expertise. Among the many useful topics, including History's Worst Haircuts, Secrets of the Mall of America and a Timeline of the Lobster in America, Hodgman also lists a series of popular hobo terms for alcohol. My favourites include stutter milk, juniper jizz, jazz chowder, and of course, stun gravy. In the spirit of making things up, I've come up with a few more choice nicknames for various kinds of alcohols (can you guess what they are?). In some particular order:

Ginger Ale, but with Alcohol
Bile Flyer
Flask Fountain
Teenage Soda
Cheney's Hunting Drops
Tears of Bacchus
Potato Syrup
Purity of Essence
Kilt Squeezings
Old Dr. Slumberditch
Peat Drippings
Loudon Tippenthorpe's Patent Remedy for Sobriety
Monk's Mischief
The Horizontalizer
Pirate Pitch, or Tar's Tar

Please submit further entries in the comments.


Sue said...

Hodgeman looks and acts like my dad did in the sixties. I would love to know what the Secrets of the Mall of America are, since I live near it but spend as little time as possible in its hallowed halls.

Anonymous said...

If I may be so bold to add a few more boozisms, for your approval

Newfie Dustin Diamond
blotto ice
Johnny Stumbler
plum hat perfume
keg fur
aye wee chich a chee, chich a chee dram [ala Simpson's leprechaun]
and although not original I still thinks its the best... the Dean Martinizer

palinode said...

All those boozisms are correct. I also believe that Sue's comment is correct, even though there are no hooch euphemisms.

sgazzetti said...

Your hoboisms are top-notch and glee-rendering.

Not original: heard in a short story read aloud on American Public Radio c. 1996:

When compiling my shopping list, I always refer to gin as O.B.J. This is an acronym for "O, Be Joyful".

That is all.

palinode said...

Also correct! With a great link.

ozma said...

Stink Juice
Ding dongler

I would say the peat and kilt ones are scotch but I have to wonder about the others.

A hobo name for cointreau is in order.

mathew said...

you people and your booze :(

Huckleberry Finnegan said...

Don’t forget Dr. Arthur’s Patented Gaelic Laxative.

Methinks Monk’s Mischief must be mead.

My Head Is Too Big said...

I'm fond of uncle grampa's brain med'cine. straighten your hair AND clean yer boots all in one guzzle.
old dr. slumberditch is pretty goddamn funny, too! gots to git me some o' that.

wench said...

my fave is "the gates of heaven"
otherwise known as "a pint o'breakfast"

love the johnny stumbler and the OBJ -> all hail Bombed Bay

Anonymous said...

I hope that the way I die is, getting ejected out of the front seat of an '82 I-roc Z28, and the police finding a pint of 'SBLOOD! in my floor board.
They'll know exactly what happened from there.

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