Highlander – “There can be only one!” Only one what? Every time I think they’re going to reveal what it is that has to be so singular, someone’s head gets cut off. Lame. That movie needed a quickening.
I Know What You Did Last Summer – Last summer I refused to wear shorts. My pale hairy legs are pretty scary, but two chicken sticks a horror movie do not make. Neither does this movie.
Transformers live-action movie – Optimus Prime comes to Earth and spends 120 minutes trying to hump an Escalade.
Britney Spear’s “Midnight Fantasy” Fragrance – smells like pre-teen spirit. A combination of cotton candy and vodka in a Slurpee cup. Much like Spears used to be, “Midnight Fantasy” is targeted at the pedophile market.
Beck - The Information – The other day I needed to know which types of plastic were best suited for drinks containers and which contained potential carcinogens. So I went out and bought the new Beck album in the hope that it would provide some information. Results were disappointing. Now I have cancer. Thanks a lot Beck. They should have killed you and left Kurt Cobain alone.
Texas hold ‘em – Last Tuesday I bought in to a Texas hold ‘em game. We went for hours. It was a white knuckle match, just masters of poker staring each other down for chips, X-ray minds turning cards transparent, crazy bluffs backed by brilliant braggadocio. Wait, I was thinking of something else. I ate ketchup chips and lost.
5 comments:
i heart ketchup chips.
You have returned!
Your capsule reviews have saved me a lot of heartache. More, please.
Master Shake from the animated series Aqua Teen Hunger Force considers Highlander to be a documentary, and the events that happened were in real-time. He also believes that jumping off a magical cliff will make him immortal.
I'm never sure whether Meatwad or Master Shake is my hero. Or the Mooninites.
You're back! Numbah one in da hood, G.
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