Tuesday, August 29, 2006

six to twelve

6:00 - alarm

6:09 - alarm

6:18, 6:27, 6:36, 6:45 - alarm

6:54 - alarm

6:56 - Schmutzie gets up. Seriously late.

7:03 - alarm

7:12 - alarm. Get up.

7:13 - make coffee. Schmutzie in bathroom, talking to cat or self.

7:14 - boil water for eggs

7:18 - eggs placed into hot water without breaking (egg) or burning (hand). First success of the day.

7:32 - Schmutzie says Are eggs done? Get up with alacrity, serve eggs.

7:35 - read salon.com.

7:53 - Schmutzie leaves for work. Still in bathrobe. Running late. Read salon.com.

8:00 - read salon.com

8:10 - read slate.com. Mildly disagree with article's point of view.

8:18 - definitely going to be late. Put on clothes.

8:19 - no fucking clean and ironed shirt?

8:22 - fast frantic ironing of long deep wrinkles into shirt

8:28 - fast frantic ironing out of iron wrinkles

8:30 - pour remaining coffee into thermos

8:30 - where's the fucking thermos?

8:32 - coffee poured. Premonition of thermos failure

8:35 - brush teeth, shave excess facial hair. Run to check clock.

8:39 - Call cab.

8:40 - where's the fucking thermos?

8:41 - find thermos. Stuff book, thermos, wallet into bag and go outside to wait for cab.

8:48 - Didn't the dispatcher say 'right away, sir'? Mental note made to hate dispatcher.

8:49 - cab arrives. Topics discussed include: weather, brevity of autumn, new hotel, old abandoned department store, upcoming musical events. Tabled for discussion: sporting events.

8:53 - Too busy to see the turtles.

8:50 - show up for work. Late. No one notices.

8:54 - look in inbox. Nothing in inbox.

8:55 - check email. Nothing in email.

9:00 - read salon.com

9:02 - remember thermos in bag, remember premonition of thermos failure. Take thermos from bag, unscrew lid.

9:03 - thermos failure. Move all papers off desk, run for paper towel.

9:15 - phone contact to follow up on outstanding report. Contact has quit job. No report forthcoming for forseeable future.

9:30 - decline coffee break invitation from Suzanne

9:40 - get a phone call. Wrong number.

10:00 - decline coffee break invitation from Heather

10:10 - phone Schmutzie with news that Movable Type software is now free

10:45 - go get muffin

10:50 - carrot cake muffin unavailable, choose blueberry

10:52 - visit the turtles. New turtle spied! Second sucess of the day. Makes up for thermos failure.

11:10 - eat muffin back at desk. Almost inedibly sweet. Resolve to eat only half because muffin is so disgusting.

11:12 - entire muffin eaten.

11:20 - realize that, despite resolve, entire muffin eaten.

11:25 - do work

11:30 - about to go to lunch. Receive ridiculous email from department that should know better.

11:35 - track down everyone addressed by ridiculous email. Formulate strategy.

11:40 - calculate value of net pay versus annoyance involved in implementing strategy and following up.

11:45 - resolve to ignore ridiculous email.

11:47 - read salon.com

12:00 - go for lunch


maarmie said...

That sounds a hell of a lot busier than my day. Here's my "6 to 12":

6 a.m.: alarm doesn't even think about going off.
7 a.m.: alarm goes off. snooze.
7:09 a.m.: snooze.
7:18 a.m.: snooze.
7:27 a.m.: alarm. I finally wake up.
7:40 a.m.: am dressed and teeth brushed. throw together lunch.
7:50 a.m.: out the door.
8:05 a.m.: show up at work. am usually the second one there.
8:06 a.m.: put lunch in fridge. prepare fruit for breakfast.
8:08 a.m.: in office looking at work and personal e-mail. on mondays, check out latest postsecret update. read blogs.
8:30 a.m.: settle in with a good book. fight off sleep.
9 a.m.: make the rounds visiting officemates, cracking jokes, being entirely innapropriate.
10 a.m.: settle in with the good book again. fight off sleep again.
11:30: get lunch from office fridge. eat it at my desk.

Always, by 1, I have stopped fighting off sleep and succumb to the dark slumber either under my desk or, lately, on my nice, new couch. Zzzzzz!

Darcy said...

I tend to really resent the extra early-morning math required by those nine-minute increments to figure out just how many times I've snoozed to decide just how late I am....

ozma said...

Hey, maybe I should get a real job!

I've always been too scared to get a real job and this is the most reassuring glimpse into the life of people with real jobs that I have ever read.

Thank you man, I think you may have changed my life.

(Immediately I begin to ponder fact that I have no job skills.)