Tuesday, January 31, 2006

links late at evening

Oh, link like you love, like you live, like love likes links, love slinks, love links. Etcetera.

One things the folks do that I don't is give you the links. This has turned wrong and stayed there.

For all your shooting, animal-killing, God-fearing needs, I give you the Christian Deer Hunters' Association. Remember: when you're out in the woods, enjoying the Lord's creation and slaughtering little deer-shaped portions of it, you need to devote time to firearm safety and sharing the gospel with a bunch of guys carrying rifles.

It's a big page and full of boring crap, so I'll give you my favourite passage right away: Why are many people currently opposed to hunting? The answers to such a question would probably be too numerous to tabulate. But a primary reason for the anti-hunter attitude that exists today can be traced to the increasing influence of Eastern thought on our society. Such religions as Buddhism and Hinduism have made the concept of coming back to life in different forms very popular. This idea which is known as "reincarnation" is presently being propagated through the New Age Movement. Let's face it. Even taking the life of a rat is difficult if there remains the remote possibility it was a relative of which you were previously fond.

Ah yeah. You pinned it, buddy. I don't like killing a roach because I might be squashing old uncle Earl. And does anybody find the phrase "Buddhism and Hinduism have made the concept of coming back to life... very popular" a little peculiar? What strange world outside the cabin do these Christian hunters imagine? Hindu proselytizers on the corners? "Hey kid, you want to bet on Heaven, or back a winning horse? Maybe even come back as a horse?" I'd love to look through the eyes of a fundamentalist Christian and witness a world of archetypes, crossbred from Galilean spores in a bed of noxious '50s imagery. Everything illuminated and linked in phospholuminescent lines, dark foreigners equated in fearful arabesques to the Satanic, the vertex of the cunt siphoning noble masculine will to hell, etcetera. I once interviewed a former state representative and career policeman from South Dakota. At the end of the interview I asked him about politicians he'd met over his life, and he pulled out a photo album, sleeve after sleeve of 8 by 10s, himself posed smiling with Reagan ("a very decent man"), with Thatcher ("an extraordinary woman"), with Colin Powell, with Bushes of all stripes. I couldn't resist asking where his photo of him and Clinton had gotten to. Oh yes, he said, I was invited to a dinner with Clinton, but I was sick that day. Then his words seemed to dry up, and the paternal, preternaturally charming smile was folded up behind his lips. Do you want to know, he asked me, what I think of Bill Clinton? I nodded yes, yes I sure do. Clinton is a whoremonger, he pronounced. And his wife is a whore. He closed the photo album and opened up his grin once more. And then I got the fuck out of there.

I'm pretty sure that I had some other links to share. I got a bit distracted. And I just did a search of my archives and realized that I've written about Mr. Clintoniswhoremonger before. I think I've reached weblog senility, people. Pretty soon I'll be going out and opening twenty last.fm accounts in one day.

Let's see... links... okay, you've all seen the David Hasselhoff video by now. Have you heard William Shatner singing Common People (link goes to audio .mov)? People, it is gold. Joe Jackson sings backup. I'm going to go listen to it right now, because I like my class commentary declaimed, mothafucka.*

*Term 'mothafucka' not to be confused with 'mothrafucka'.

Update: How could I forget this link? With a URL title of http://huuuuuurrnnnnnnnnnnn.blogspot.com,
what else could it be but Chewbacca's blog? It's a one-note joke that only grows funnier the more you read look at it. But why is Chewbacca posting pictures of little dogs in Santa suits?


sgazzetti said...

Linking is what separates us from the animals. Or so I have read.

Thanks for mentioning the Shatner Pulp cover. The way he declaims it, you would almost think that the chip-stains and grease will come out in the bath.

Gaunilo said...

God. I loved this picture. I'm pretty sure they're protesting the radical leftist deer agenda, and God knows it's a mortal threat to our way of life (including yours, now that your government is finally Jesus-compliant).

Is it a sign of wit or just X-treme geekiness that I thought 'mothrafucka' to be the funniest thing I've seen in a while?

mathew said...

that shatner tune is from a semi-recent album, "has been" - i know this because aimee mann sang backup on a few songs.

don't give me that look. you can't judge me!

palinode said...

Heh. Jesus-compliant government. Right you are.

Everybody's betting that Harper and the Conservatives will be 'hobbled' by their minority government status. I want to see how long they'll stay in line, because sooner or later some rural MP is going to start speaking in tongues during Question Period.

starcat said...

Not that I'm ahunert percent shure, but I think that it's Ben Folds, and not Joe Jackson, that does the backups to Common People. Google would probably be my friend here, but I'm so lazy, I'm responding to old posts.
or something