cassus bully

Possible dialogues between Iraq and the USA during the lead-up to war

A: On The Corner

Iraq: Hum-dee-dum...
US: Hey!
Iraq: Hum-diddley-doo...
US: You saying something about me?
Iraq: What?
US: I said, you saying something about me?
Iraq: What are you talking about?
US: You have something to say to me, you say it to my face!
Iraq: I didn't say anything.
US: Oh yeah, you said something. I heard you.
Iraq: What do you think I, uh, said?
US: Oh, you think you're funny?
Iraq: No.
US: You making fun of me now? Big man?
Iraq: No, I uh -
US: So now you're calling me a liar!
Iraq: No, you're, you must be mistaken.
US: So now I'm stupid, is that it?
Iraq: No -
US: Oh, so I am a liar. You've done it now, buddy. You've done it.
Iraq: What -
US: Hold on, I've got a television address to give.

B: Around The Dance Floor or Discotheque

Iraq: Check out my oil reserves.
US: You looking at my woman?
Iraq: I was talking about my oil reserves.
US: You keep looking at my woman, I'll kill you.
Iraq: I wasn't looking at your woman.
US: Oh, you think she's ugly?
Iraq: Um, no.
US: So you were looking at my woman! Ah that's it. That's it asshole. You're dead.
Iraq: What woman are you talking about?
US: Uh, your oil reserves.

C: At the gas station

Iraq: Fill 'er up.
US: Okay, that comes to eighteen dollars forty-nine cents.
Iraq: All I have are Euros.
US: (sprays gas on Iraq, ignites country)

Update: A couple of folks - and nice ones to boot - have taken some pains to point out that I may be unfairly casting the entire United States (of America!) as an angry bully. They're quite right: I'm tarring the entire country with one brush. The US is chock-a-block with reasonable, rational people who receive their information from somewhere besides Fox News. For such people I possess an extra degree of admiration, living as they do under an incompetent murderous cabal of cronies who have no idea how to run a country. Anyways, I'm still going to lump everyone in to serve my rhetorical purposes.