Monday, December 05, 2005

it's a gershwin morning

I used to think that the cat stepped on my throat every morning to get another helping of food and water. Now I see that food and water are incidental. The main purpose of having my throat stepped on in the morning by precise little paws is to bear witness as the cat rips books off shelves, knocks over plants and yowls like it's caught in a fan belt. Look at me! The tumor's really pressing on my adrenal gland this morning! You took my testicles but you can't take away my tumor!

In the rumble-and-thump tattoo of cats, I think he's singing to us: The way I chew the plants/ The way I yowl at three/ The way I sniff your pants/ Oh no you can't take that away from me (THUMP! CRASH! YOWL!) Oh yeah, the way my poop just stinks/ The way I dig with glee/ And when I spill your drinks/ You can't take that away from me/ Yes, you took my balls but not these things from me etc.

Thanks folks, you been great. Great crowd this morning, hey? My name's Oskar, I'll be up on the windowsill for the rest of the day. Try the spider plant.

5 comments:

Mathew said...

we moved the spider plant into the bathroom to keep it away from the cat. that doesn't stop him from getting into other things though, most recently gnawing a hole into the dog food bag, for example.

you'd think we never fed the gut bag - all he does is eat eat eat when the dish is on the floor, and when we go to put it on the floor he (he) acts like he's in heat.

dogs are much simpler. and, between you and me, they can smell a lot better than mr. stinky bottom cat.

Ají Dulce said...

jaaaaaaaaaajajaajajajaaaa....!

Jane said...

What a coincidence! I was hearing the same song at my house as I read this.

abigailroad said...

Wow. Jane left the exact comment I was going to leave. So I'll just say "Ditto" to that, and go and finish my arguement with my cat about her bitching and complaining ways.

Emily said...

What is it with cats and spider plants? Ours ate and destroyed all the spider plants we brought into the house. Kitty salad. We have also learned never to leave a glass of water unattended, because all glasses are secretly screaming, in a language that only cats can understand, Tip me! Please! Oh, you, sweet feline, TIP ME!