Heh. Double Discovery ice cream. I think I just hit on my way to my first million. Or a shallow grave in the desert. Can't figure out which yet.
On to the stuff I intended to talk about.
I made two discoveries tonight (three, if you count the ice cream thing). I discovered that there are two ways to do a crossword puzzle at a bar. The first way is to find a table in a corner and work on a crossword at your own pace with a beer or two. The second way is to gang up on Nick and shout answers at him. This tactic reduces conversation to the following:
"Eight letters, starts with M, showy flower. Marigold! It's marigold! What else is it going to be? What's 49 down? Okay, what's 34 across? That'll prove it. What the hell is this? Stop writing over the numbers, we can't see! What did you write down there? It's reggae! What else would it be? Jamaican music, six letters. What did you put down? Well it isn't Raggadeth, that's for sure! What's 22 down?" And so on.
My second discovery - or quiet realization, if you like - was that, at age fifteen, I could not imagine being twenty years old. Now I'm twenty years older than fifteen, and I'm still laughing at all the stupid terms for puking that we came up with back then. In fact I think they may be funnier now. Talking to Ralph on the big white telephone? Funny. Or Ralph and his Amazing Technicolour Yawn? It was red and yellow and blue and green and violet and black and purple and pink...
Okay, enough about the discoveries. I'm really into this Double Discovery Ice Cream thing. What would you discover in it? Are there already flavours that qualify for the Double Discovery brand? There's butterscotch ripple, but since the discovery of the butterscotch and ripple usually coincides, I would consider it disqualified. And there's Tiger Tiger, but it seems like a real cheat to discover two of the same thing. And once you discover the first tiger you're not really concerned with finding the second. One's enough. Coicidentally, that was part of the original marketing campaign for Tiger Tiger ice cream - Treat Yourself to a Second Tiger, Even Though One Is Generally Enough, Especially When They Pin You With Their Powerful Forelimbs and Maul Your Face and Take Your Wallet. They dropped that slogan pretty quickly. I mean, it didn't even make sense.
10 comments:
Times two!
My favorite term for puking was always "to yack." It was never quite settled whether the "c" in it was legitimate or not, but such nuances provide brilliant fodder for intense debate over the sixth Coors, shouting over Iron Maiden or Metallica and trying not to knock over that one guy's parents' lamp because they would like kill him, man.
"Yack" sounds really, really funny in such a state. Ah, the days of the fifteen year old. They only had one Tiger in their ice cream back then.
i've never heard of double discovery ice cream - is this some sort of frozen treat marketed for the archaeologist crowd?
i have heard of dippin' dots though - those things are mighty tasty and cold cold cold. my tongue was frozen for at least 5 hours on my first taste.
Gaunilo:
Back in the days when we were fifteen they put one tiger in gas tanks and reserved the other tiger for ice cream manufacture.
Apropos of nothing, if you offered vacation packages to Gaunilo's Island, how would you market it? My slogan, and pardon me for its obviousness: Go On a Vacation Greater Than Which None Can Conceive.
Mathew:
Dippin' dots look very strange. I've never seen them before. What exactly are they?
they're flash-frozen little bits of ice cream, so when you are served some or open a packet (which are rediculously expensive - something around 120$ for 25 i think, so nearly 5 dollars a packet) they come out as little individual beads. the look of them, at first, isn't very appealing, but they have a nice texture, they make a wonderful gravelly (is that a word? it is now) sound when you push them about with your spoon, and you can eat a few or a mouthful at a time (which leads to a frozen tongue). oh, and they're quite small, bigger than a coarse grain of salt but smaller than a mini m&m.
i've only had them at concession stands. they have them in individual buckets, and you can mix and match flavors. i had 1/2 vanilla and 1/2 chocolate. they seem to pack more flavor and comparitively, in size, are more filling than their larger counterpart.
i'm sick of filling out this identity crap. maybe i should sign up for blogger.
When we were teenagers, my friend Cara had a list she kept in her purse of new words for puking. She had over two dozen terms collected. Favorites included "Bowing to the Porcelain God" and "Shouting at the Ground."
Which leads directly into my proposal for a Double Discovery ice cream: Hurl Swirl. First you discover what that stuff is that's in your dessert. Then you discover you're not feeling well...
Hurl Swirl rules. That gets my vote.
Well, since it's Gaunilo's Island, it's probably actually some kind of offshore tax shelter thing, since it doesn't actually exist. Except in your head. Which is helpful because then it can be like a vacation for your mind. Our theme song then would be "Comfortably Numb" and the marketing strategy would focus on going far, far away and never leaving your home. Like that one movie where Schwarzenegger goes to Mars or whatever.
But we do have a product line. Ice cream, bagels, beer.
I had a running list of new words for puke, too, when I was fifteen. I think when we gave up we were at 84. Favorites included "calling Europe," "making sidewalk pizza," and "riding the regurgitron."
I think your headed for a shallow grave in the dessert. or Guanilo's island, which might be fine if it doubles as a mental dream vacation.
You know what's *even funnier* than being almost twenty years older than fifteen and still laughing at all the stupid terms for puking that we came up with back then?
Still laughing at all the synonyms and silly terms for 'penis' that we came up with back then.
Remember spending HOURS in the car with two or three of your closest friends and trying to come up with an exhaustive list of "things to call your dork" (or, if you were a girl back then, "things to call a guy's dork")? Man. That just doesn't stop being funny.
Hee hee hee.
Dork.
Heh.
Raggadeth. I'd listen to Raggadeth.
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