Monday, May 02, 2005

thanks yous

Now that I've settled down in my life and have finished a travellin' all over this land, it's time to take stock write thank-you notes to a few of the places I have been over the last twelve months.

To Rapid City, SD: Despite the promise in your name of speed and urbanity, you have neither. You are a cut in the Earth to the netherworld, where the dead drive around in pick-up trucks and occasionally donate their bodies to Iraq and Afghanistan. Like the dinosaurs that once roamed your big box store parking lots, you await extinction sadly and patiently, charging outrageously for the crappiest hotel rooms I've ever seen. You have a great Mexican restaurant, though.

To the suburbs of Melbourne: How did you manage to hook on to an actual city? A couple of pizza/pasta take-outs and greasy Italian spoons do not a city suburb make. Hey Lilydale: what makes you think that you're part of Melbourne anyway? You think you're Doncaster? Shove off. Go hang out with Geelong or Werribee or something. Stop bothering the real cities.

To downtown Dallas: No offense, but trying to walk around your streets in summer is like having molten bronze poured over your head. Which must be why you're designed for public sculpture and tall monolithic buildings but not actual human beings. Obviously no mortal can withstand for long the crucible of your wide bright empty avenues or your shitty historic district.

To the Netherlands: I had a roommate just like you once: quietly but maniacally tidy, patient and understanding of my quirks but slightly smug, given to bicycle riding over driving. I spent many evenings talking with him as he smiled sympathetically and agreed with me in principle but pointed out every so often in non-judgemental terms that his energy-efficient, sexually relaxed and spiritually pragmatic lifestyle really was superior to mine. I disposed of his body in a deep freeze.

6 comments:

Miss A said...

Fantastic Palinode, fantastic as in exemplary not fantastic as in winged or having a single twisted horn. I posted a fond hello on the word squares page but upon further consideration thought that form of communication might prove volatile- if not useless with the word squares coming less and less now. Do you remember me, of the strange band and the perpetually forthcoming CD? Hello!

palinode said...

Of course I remember you. I'm glad to be an exemplar and not a unicorn. I also remember that forthcoming CD, and I'm happy to hear that its forthcomingness is perpetual.

Are you ever bringing your band up north, where the winds are cold and full of Canada?

blackbird said...

okay - yeah, but what the fuck is up with St. Louis?

Miss A said...

Brilliant! Your memory is that of a Palinode half your age. No thoughts on coming up north to maple leaf and beaver territory just yet, not on your end anyway- but Vancouver very soon. Anyway I can't locate your email address, if you'd like to chat please drop a line to andreaheimer@yahoo.com. I'd like to discuss the recent television series Deadwood, Las Vegas and the logistics of building a submarine. Plus several pending patents and a dream I had where I was plump. Au revoir mon canard!

Mrs. Kennedy said...

I'd like to know if Rapid City still has "Gravity Hill," an old roadside attraction I loved when I was six, where the water appeared to run uphill? I also have fond memories of Duhamel's, an old five-and-ten there where I bought a turquoise ring that I later lost at gymnastics practice. These are my Rapid City memories! Cherish them with me.

palinode said...

Gravity Hill: I didn't go there, but yes, Gravity Hill still defies the senses. Regrettably I'm unable to co-cherish it with you, since I didn't visit it, but I know the crazy touristy ambiance that suffuses so much of South Dakota.

Duhamel's: I don't know about the name, but I visited a sprawling five-and-dime in Rapid City's downtown. I bought a kick-ass notebook for The Lotus, the cover of which I may scan for everyone's viewing pleasure.